What a year in movies. As I look back fondly on 2006, I realized that of the 200 top grossing films of the year, I saw 93 of them, and that makes me feel a little retarded for myself. I saw some of them more than once. Some of them more than twice. One of them I saw four times, and it hasn't even hit the dollar theater yet, so I think I'll go a few more rounds with Daniel Craig before hanging up my spurs on that one.
Before you judge me on my addiction to cinematic adventure, allow me to remind you that I'm single and self-supported, so what else do I have to do?
So let's take a look back on the films that I loved, hated, and mocked incessantly.
Invincible - You know a movie is going to be good when your boss takes everyone to see it on opening day. I saw it twice on opening day. I only wish that I had then what I have now: a pizza cutter that plays the Eagles fight song. Yes, its that awesome. This movie also proved my long-standing theory that the t-shirt was created for Mark Wahlberg. He doesn't just wear the tshirt - he beats that tshirt into submission until the seams stretch and scream with pain - the kind of pain that hurts so good. Then he tells that tshirt to make him a sandwich, and the tshirt asks, "Mayo or mustard, sir?"
Rocky Balboa - There's nothing like seeing it in Philadelphia. There's also nothing like the look on your step-mom's face when Rocky takes his shirt off in all of his sixty-year old splendor. And if you look closely, you just might spot Bone Junior in the end credits footage...
Superman Returns - I thought that this was going to be my new Batman Begins, and I had a brief yet torrid emotional love affair with Brandon Routh.
Mission Impossible 3 - I know Tom Cruise is a little bit of a wiener, ok a lot of a wiener, but I really liked this movie. I saw it twice on opening weekend, and that embarrasses me a little.
Inside Man - Hands down one of the best bank robbery movies I've ever seen. And Clive Owen is too tasty for his own good.
The Suckhouse - The name says it all. Apparently my review ruined it for some people who were unable to focus on anything but Keanu Reeve's terrible sneezing and crying. Sorry.
Miami Vice - Don't ask. It looked hot. It was not.
Nacho Libre - I know, I know, everyone loved this movie. It had some funny parts, but it just didn't live up to the hype and I got really sick of hearing everyone quote the stretchy pants line.
The Break-Up - It was funny, and Jennifer Aniston is naseautingly cute, but I hated the ending. Sure it was realistic and blah blah blah, but I didn't like it.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Whoever the guy is, he's hot. Who am I kidding. I loved The Fast and the Furious, I loved 2 Fast 2 Furious even harder, and I died with love when I saw The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Just kidding. Kind of. Not really.
Harsh Times - (Christian Bale) If it didn't have Christian Bale in a wife beater for half the movie, I would've walked out.
Crank - (Jason Statham) I really love this British man, but he makes some really crappy movies. I just don't understand how a man so gorgeous can continually put out such crap. Though it didn't stop me from buying The Transporter parts one and two.
Casino Royale - (Daniel Craig, also starring Daniel Craig's bathing suit) My first James Bond movie awakened the beast of lust within me. Four times and counting, and I'm still not sick of it. Also brings back images of my encounter with huge bald guy with biceps as big around as my head. Ah, the memories.
The Departed - (Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg) I'm predicting Oscars for this one. In a nut shell, one of the most awesome movies I've seen this year. Definitely qualifies as one of The Good, but the hotness kind of wins out on this one.
The Prestige - (Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman) Better the second time around when I wasn't distracted by loud nose breathers and I could focus on the talent.