Monday, April 19, 2010

Never Google Your Symptoms

Bone Junior: So, I've been getting really bad night sweats. I wake up every couple hours, completely drenched in sweat, but shivering and shaking because I'm so cold. One time, there was so much sweat between my boobs that I thought I'd just drooled on myself. A lot.


Bone Junior:
It's not funny! I just Googled my symptoms, and I'm either starting menopause, or being haunted.

Can you put on a helmet and then involuntarily slide across your kitchen floor?

Bone Junior:
No, but it might have something to do with the creepy clown doll that's propped up in the corner of my room.

Seriously, I've learned to never Google my symptoms, because now I'm convinced that even my ovaries have given up on me ever getting married and having lots of sex and babies.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Whoring It Up Juneyuh Style

Last weekend commenced the celebration of my 28th birthday. My actual birthday was on Easter, but who can compete with Jesus? Plus that's the day the Eagles traded McNabb, so that date is forever marred.

This year, we stuck with tradition (and by "tradition", I mean "the same thing we did last year") and got a big group together for dinner at PF Changs. The invitation specified black tie attire. Translation: whore it up. And whore it up we did indeed.

The official invite.

My roomies and I visited one of the local beauty schools to get our makeup done, including fake eyelashes. The eyelashes were an adjustment - it took me awhile to not feel like a Muppet.



I promise I did not say to the girl, "Make me look as clownish as possible, with just a dash of tramp." In my defense, the white above my eyes did fade, as the girl promised.

Super hot roomies

Bone siblings

Awesomely awkward but still hot prom pose.

I know it looks like I have my hand on Tiff's leg but I promise I don't. That would be gay. Whereas sitting on my brother's lap is definitely not gay.

Three days of tanning to pull off this color definitely paid off because I turned the same color as my Guatemalan friend, Henefir.

Ryan and Adam looking uncomfortably semi-gay.

Me, Gina, and Gina's animal print bra.

Blake and Erin

Let me explain how important this photo is to my self-esteem. Blake is six feet tall. Adam is six feet tall. Normally when I stand between these two, we don't all fit in the frame because I'm so much shorter than them. But I was wearing five-inch heels, and Blake was sweet enough to take off her heels so that I kind of look the same height as her. She asked if I would take off my padded bra so that our boobs would look the same, but I wasn't willing to do that. Sorry Blake.

The highlight of the night was when my friend Rachel gave me an awesome present: a pack of moustaches for ladies - one for each day of the week. Please to enjoy.

The Porn Stache

The Milk Moustache

The I Can't Wear This Thing Because Pink Fuzzies Are Getting Up My Nose Stache

The Ryan Ripped Mine In Half Stache

The I Was Trying to Take a Picture of Me and Henefir But No One Told Me the Zoom Was All Up In My Business And Not In An Attractive Way Stache

The Don't Mess With Us Because Clearly We Are Bad Ass Staches

The We Enjoy the Finer Things in Life Staches

The Mega Colonel Sanders Stache and The I'm Trying to Piece Back Together the One Ryan Ripped in Half Stache

In all, it was a fantastic night. I laughed so hard that my face hurt, and I was thrilled that so many of my friends could be there, and definitely missed the ones who couldn't be there.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Happy Birthday Li'l Mil!

I cannot believe that my favorite nephew turns 3 today! When did he become a little boy and not just a baby? Nothing makes me smile more then when I call my sister, and Li'l Mil answers with, "HI SASHIE!!!"

But seriously, when did he start growing up??

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Because I Can

I totally ripped off this idea from a blog Bone Senior showed to me. Enlarge picture for best results. Rinse and repeat.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Someone is Stealing My Good Karma

Dear Universe, aka, the Philadelphia Eagles:

Turning 28 and still being single didn't quite suck enough, so could you please smash my heart into a million little pieces and trade Donovan McNabb to the freaking Redskins on my birthday?

Thanks a lot,

Bone Jr.