Thursday, February 26, 2009

In Which I Become A Snotty Haiku Know-It-All

I was listening to the radio on my way home from work today and the DJ was holding a contest for Fallout Boy concert tickets. The first person to call in with a Haiku about Fallout Boy would win the tickets. Easy enough.

The first two callers didn't even know what a Haiku was. The DJ mocked them incessantly and so did I because who doesn't know what a Haiku is?

The third caller got on the air and proceeded to have a conversation with the DJ about the correct format for a Haiku.

Caller: Is it three-six-three?

DJ: No, it's six-four-six!

Caller: Are you sure? I thought it was six-three-six.

DJ: No, come on man, everyone know's a Haiku is six-four-six! Now, go! Haiku!

Caller: Ok....I like Fallout Boy...they're great...refrigerator.

DJ: Great! You win the tickets!

Blink. Blink. What? Are you kidding me? Even if a Haiku was six-four-six, that caller didn't even come close! Refrigerator?? I was not going to stand for this.

It took two straight minutes of ringing before the DJ answered.

DJ: Hello! X-96!

Bone Junior: Um, hi? I just wanted to tell you that a Haiku is actually, yeeeeah.

DJ: Oh! Really! Great! That's funny!

Bone Junior: So can I get some Fallout Boy tickets because I was right?

DJ: Well, I'll be doing the contest same time tomorrow so you have twenty-four hours to think of a good Haiku and call back!

Bone Junior: Hmph. What's really funny is how you were making fun of the callers who didn't know what a Haiku was and here you didn't even know what a real Haiku was.

DJ: Oh! Great! Dontcha just love hypocrisy and double standards!

Bone Junior: Hmph.

DJ: Great! Well, thanks for the call!

Less than a minute later, I heard my call broadcast over the radio. Hearing myself, I wanted to reach through the radio and slap myself for being so pompous.

Still, I was right and he was wrong. And anyone who was listening to X-96 at 5:15 pm knows it now too.

Totally worth it.

It's a Small World After All

I hope you have that song stuck in your head now.

With the construction industry slowing down, I've been keeping my eyes open for job openings in the area. I've been going through a very rigorous interview process with one agency - I'm talking three rounds of interviews, testing, and a fifty-page background check. The applicant pool has been narrowed down from 80 to 5, and I'm still in the running. Needless to say, I wanted to make a good impression on these potential employers.

So a few weeks ago, when I got a random email from someone I didn't know, I started to sweat a little. Please to enjoy the fruits of my blog - here's the email I got from a girl named Aubrey:

"Randomly awkward comment alert:

I work [at the place that's been interviewing you]. I have also been blog stalking you for a while now. (I am friends with a girl whose cousin knows your sister in PA...who also happens to work here. anyway.)

We were talking today about the possible candidates for our new job posting and who interviewed with our chief and captain, and I caught the last of the conversation of "...her last name is [Bone]..." so I tuned in, and they said your first name, and I was all, HEY I know her!

So, naturally they asked how I know you and what I thought about you. It was really awkward when I had to admit to everyone that okay, I don't ACTUALLY know you, but, erm, I blog stalk you. So it's sort of the same. just creepier.

Who knows, maybe you can have MY job when they let me go for mental health issues.

P.S. also, when they asked what I thought about you, the only 2 things that popped into my mind were a. boob job and b. she really likes batman and Elvis.

no worries. My brain worked faster than my mouth and neither of these were actually brought up."

Thank goodness I'd read this email before going back in to meet with them, otherwise I probably would've peed myself when the captain said, "Oh, one of our girls here reads your blog!"

So thanks for your email, Aubrey - it made me laugh out loud. And thanks for not telling the chief and captain that what stands out most about me is the boob job - because I already told them about Elvis.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Get to Know Me - UPDATED

Last night at the treatment center, we were making these Dr. Seuss "Get To Know You" books with the kids. The books were really cute - you did things like measure the kid's height, trace their hand, draw their favorite animal, stuff like that.

I started to get a little bored with my own book. Please to enjoy.

I hope you enjoyed getting to know me, and here is the inspiration for my Trogdor bird.

Friday, February 13, 2009

In Which I Become Slightly Less Bitter

"Dearest Valentine:
I just wanted to give you this token of totally make everybody around you jealous...and warm your Friday the 13th and Valentine's Day.
Your Physician,
Dr. Mookie Love"

I don't think it's any coincidence that the same year I get my new "assets" is the first year I've gotten flowers from two different guys for Valentine's Day. It's nice to see my investments finally paying off.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Happy early Valentine's Day to me...The best part? They're purple, I didn't buy them for myself, and they didn't come from one of my girlfriends...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Sometimes I Don't Know Why I Do the Things I Do

Today I spent hours sitting in the Sprint store trying to exchange / fix two of our work cell phones. As hour three was beginning, I found myself engaged in shallow chit chat with an old man who had come in to buy a charger. I made a comment about how long I'd been sitting there, what a pain it was to have to be there, and he chuckled and said, "The only thing worse is going to the dentist!"

Now, of all the possible friendly, polite quips I could have responded with, for some reason, I found myself blurting out, "OR the gynecologist!"

People, I swear you could hear crickets chirping. The only other sound was my nervous too-loud laughter. Poor old man just stared at me with a shocked look on his face. Poor Sprint reps just stared at me like I was a crazy person.

Today, I don't blame them. It's already been a long week.