Tuesday, January 30, 2007

A Short Story About How I Didn't Eat Anything All Day Because I Thought I Was Going to Throw Up

"The doorbell rang, I heard you pee."

That's how it all started, as so eloquently put by my friend Johanna, who called me at the crucial moment last night. The doorbell rang, I fluffed my hair, took a deep breath, and put on my best game face. Then I opened the door and nearly fainted from fright.

I found out later that my roommates, in classic roommate fashion, had been peeking through the blinds when Huge Bald Guy With Biceps As Big As My Head picked me up. Their exchange went something like this:

Yanaj: He's opening the car door for her!
Ylime: His shirt is so tight!
Yanaj: Look how he's smiling!
Ylime: His shirt is so tight!
Yanaj: She looks terrified!
Ylime: His shirt is so tight!
Yanaj: Does he have any other choice?!?

Thankfully, it didn't take long for me to warm up and be myself. And we had fun! At the game, I had no choice but to be smashed up against his arm because he was too huge to contain himself in his own space. Six-foot-four, and two hundred and eighty pounds of huge.

It also didn't take long to realize that he loves movies as much as I do, which gave me the perfect segue to suggest another date. But I didn't have to - because he suggested it first. After he walked me to my door and hugged me. And then I really peed.

I was all set to burst through the front door and start screaming to my roommates, except that it was locked, and I ended up body slamming the front door, full force. While Huge Bald Guy With Biceps As Big As My Head was still standing there.

And to think I was thisclose to making it through the whole night without pulling a classic Bone Junior move.

So kiddies, take some advice from your old Aunt Bone Junior... always give it a shot, because you might end up having a blast. And possibly peeing yourself with excitement.


Scratch Subtle said...

That proposed conversation is creepily accurate. Do you have your room bugged or something?

Pizza Cutter said...

I stumbled across you through the magic of the "next blog" button. Every day at my site, I hit the button, see what comes up, and link that. Today, you're it. Congrats. I think.

Andi Mae said...

Hooray!!! I'm so glad it went well and that you didn't pee. Nobody likes a date who has to change her pants at half-time. So when is your next date?

barb said...

i farted audibly on a date once (okay more than once...). i'm glad you didn't do that. now where's the ring?

g said...

Your call last night was probably the best call i have ever gotten- between your uncontrolable giddy laughing, stuffing your face with frosted mini wheats and exclaiming "How did this happen? It's a Christmas Miracle!" it made my night. Also I am jealous of your "balls". maybe you should give a workshop... also I will reiterate what I said last night You WILL make this happen with him.

Erin said...

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! next time, you and your and your balls should try and get some action...balls to the wall!!!!!

Tarable said...

You are an inspiration to chubby brunettes everywhere!

(I hope you don't take that the wrong way)

hizznizzle said...

I am very very impressed! He likes movies too, who would have known. All i have to say is how does he deal with those little seats, and also i would hate to have to sit behind him at the movies. p.s. when you go to the movies together do us all a favor and sit in the very back!!!