Tuesday, July 06, 2010

I'll Tell You Where You Can Stick Your Cliches

So, today I was complaining to Yanaj about being single. Yanaj is not single. As much as I love Yanaj (and all of my other non-single friends / relatives), I think my first mistake is complaining about being single to people who are not single.

Yes, they were single at one point; and yes, they have some eggs of wisdom to crack over my head. But for the most part, after all the sentiments and encouragement, the fact still remains, I am single and they are not.

This is how my conversation with Yanaj went:

Me: Seriously, what is wrong with me? Why can't I find a boyfriend, let alone a date, let alone a guy who just LIKES me?

Yanaj: Maybe you're looking too hard.

Me: That would assume that I'm actually looking. I'm more of the wait-for-him-to-fall-into-my-lap sorta gal.

Yanaj: You're so focused on finding someone to like you that you've forgotten about giving them something to like.

Me: I feel like I've tried really hard to give them something to like. As in, 1400 cc's of something to like.

Yanaj: But if you're not happy now, you're not going to be happy with a guy either.

Me: I know you're right, but I'm sick of hearing people say that. EVERYONE says that.

Yanaj: Yeah. It's true but it sucks. The guy is not the solution. I think that's the point.

Yes, that may be the point. And if Yanaj hadn't sent me the following article, I probably would've huffed and puffed at her, just like I do to everyone else who tells me that I'm the problem.

19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person (Complete with commentary from contributors)
By Erin Meanley

1. It happens when you're not looking.
"This is just bull. Some people find people when they're looking; some don't. You're not doing anything wrong by going out and meeting people." —Beth

2. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
"I dated a guy whose last name was Fish. People just had a BLAST with that one." —Kelly

3. So, why are you single?
"I generally dislike this question. I mean honestly, if I knew why, I don't think I would be single right now, now would I?!" —Erica

4. You're too picky.
"This may be true, but it feels like I'm getting criticized for my taste, vision, and close-mindedness — when I'm already down." —Sarah

5. You'll find the right person for you. —Kelly

6. He's out there. —Kelly

7. It was just bad timing.
"Like it's so easy to dismiss a guy on such an emotionless and objective reason." —Taryn

8. Just have fun with it!
"Um, don't tell me how to date in my thirties when you got married at 24." —Maya

9. Have you tried online dating?
"Don't even go there." Bone Junior

10. He just wasn't the right guy for you.
"I know! That's what I'm complaining about!" —Elisa

11. Well, when my boyfriend and I first got together…
"Wait, I still want to talk about me." —Elisa

12. When the time is right, you will meet someone.—Betsy

13. Wow, I wish I were single and in your shoes!
"Really?! I'm pretty sure you CAN be single if you actually want to be. That there is an attainable dream, so if you aren't messing with me right now out of pity (which I suspect you are), please go for it!" —Kim

14. Your turn next [at weddings]. —Natlondon

15. It will happen when you least expect it. —dlegas05

16. Some guy is going to come along and ruin your career/life plans.
"I am 32 and no one has ruined the last 10 years of plans." —frolicblog

17. But you're so pretty! Why don't you have a boyfriend?
"There's just no graceful way to answer that." —earnesteats

18. It just wasn't meant to be.
"Any of these platitudes are exponentially more annoying when coming from the mouths of smug marrieds." —Reberoodle

19. Sure, my guy rescues kids from abusive homes, donated my sister a kidney, and picks up fresh flowers for me daily on his way home from work, but will he QUIT IT with the sports on TV already?
"Single people just hate to be complained to about petty relationship stuff. If you do this, I'm not going to want to hang out with you. (In fact, maybe I'll call your boyfriend and ask him if he wants to grab a beer and watch the Yankees game?)" —Kim

"Oh wait. I bet, "Send them a list of the top worst things to say to a single girl" is on there too. " - Yanaj.

So next time your single friend complains about being single, try to keep these handy tips in mind.