Friday, January 26, 2007

The Scream Heard Round The World, or How I Gave Myself an Aneurysm

Years from now, a tale will be told around campfires. Its the kind of story that gets bottled up and stored in sorcerer's wagons next to the eye of newt and pixie dust. Its the stuff dreams and wishes are made of, and kiddies, it happened to your old Aunt Bone Junior.


Whenever a young girl cries because her crush doesn't like her back, or a chubby loner pines for the quarterback, the legendary ultimate underdog tale will be told of how Bone Junior called The Huge Bald Guy With Biceps As Big As My Head and asked him out to the Jazz game.

And how he said yes.

They will tell of how she screamed with such fervor that a roommate came running, thinking she'd seen a spider; and how she fell to her knees and threw her arms in the air, a la Rocky. Lit'rally.

You married people might not remember what it was like to have such a raging crush on someone that you couldn't even look at them, and to be convinced that you could never ever ever talk to them, and that they'd never ever look twice at you - someone so unattainable and so far out of your league that it seemed hopeless.

But I'm here to tell you that miracles really can happen. And I don't care if he said yes out of pity or just to be nice. I don't care if he said yes because he felt sorry for me or because he didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying no. I don't care if we go to the game and then nothing comes of it - because he still said yes, and I at least get a shot.

If nothing else, I have solidified my bragging rights amongst friends. As Ylime so eloquently put it, "We can never again say you don't have the balls, because You. Have. The. Balls."

And she never says 'balls'.

11 comments:

Jen said...

You are an inspiration to us all!! Now if I could just do the same thing...

Erin said...

you rock! like Rocky.

li'l mil said...

the cold stone coupon will still be good monday night... :)

we all knew you had the balls.

just remember to wear deodorant.

Tarable said...

WOOOOHOOOO BONE JUNIOR!!!!

g said...

i know i just sent you a text message about this- but considering our history with this guy- i just have to leave a comment as well. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! really i feel euphoric- almost like I called him instead of you. YAY! I will expect details.

Andi Mae said...

I always knew you had it in you! (And I was just looking at said Coldstone coupon!) Now just don't make the same mistake that you did with another, shall we not say his name, crush whom you called by his pet-name. (Or is this the same H.R.?) You may want to practice saying his given name in front of a mirror about 200 times before tip off.

barb said...

not to be devil's advocate, but what about him saying yes because he likes the jazz.

not that he's not into you.

because i bet he is.

that's just what i was expecting you to say.

barb said...

also you're hot.

barb said...

and you look like eva mendes.

barb said...

i'd go out with you.

Thinkerbelle said...

Good girl! Whatever you do...don't tell him about your blogging habbits until at least the 5th date (or at least don't tell him the address). He might get freaked out by his interweb stardom and I would hate to see this complete act of bravery be all for not. Good luck, baby!