Monday, January 22, 2007

Go ahead, Daily Herald. Reject my ballot. I dare you.

Every year The Daily Herald, the premier publication of Utah County, hosts a "Best of Utah County" contest. A full-page ballot is printed in the paper with categories ranging from 'Best free-time activity in Utah County', to 'Best Divorce Attorney.' I'm not kidding.

This year, a 'Best Homebuilder' category was introduced, which meant that after my boss saw it, I was off to The Daily Herald to buy 100 newspapers and then hand them out to all employees, shamelessly prompting them to nominate our company. In case you're wondering, 100 Daily Heralds costs $50.00, weighs 80 pounds, and the little yellow strap slices your wrist tendons.

I started to fill out the ballot, but with over 100 categories, I started to get a little restless and a lot annoyed. How the hell am I supposed to know who is the best assisted living, plastic surgeon, auto towing service, or hearing aid center? I'm not kidding.

So I thought I'd share some of my favorite responses with you.

Make-out spot ("necking" spot): Squaw Peak

Free-time Activity in Utah County: Squaw Peak

Place for a picnic: Squaw Peak

Place to break up: Squaw Peak

Place to propose: Squaw Peak

Under appreciated tourist attraction: Squaw Peak

Utah County getaway: Squaw Peak

Public Swimming: The drainage / irrigation ditch off Center Street in Provo.

Public Restroom: The drainage / irrigation ditch off Center Street in Provo.

Fishing spot: Squaw Peak, if you're fishing for guys. Coldstone Creamery if you're fishing for girls.

Live theater: Squaw Peak

Bargain date: Squaw Peak

The disclaimer at the bottom says, "The Daily Herald reserves the right to reject any ballot." Gee, I sure hope I didn't ruin my chances.

In other news, Hot Rob did finally call me back, despite the odds and my ass-faced voicemail message.

Sundance Celebrity Sighting Update:

Number seen: 2 (Robert Redford and Guillermo Arriaga)

Number vicariously seen through Yanaj: 1 (Tom Arnold)

Number of people seen that looked vaguely familiar and were being asked for their autograph but I have no idea who they were: 1.

Dollars spent on goat cheese & salmon salad: 16

Diet Pepsis consumed during shifts: 9


Andi Mae said...

Wow- the Daily Herald must be desperatley reaching for any kind of real news- maybe they should do a story about how much revenue is generated from speeding tickets or parking violations by college students. Or how much time is devoted to writing tickets for speeding or parking violations. Now THAT would be news.

Was Robert Redford hot for an old guy or did he just look like an old leather breifcase. Just curious.

barb said...

1. Courtyard @ Jamestown
2. Dr. Cook
3. Black Diamond Towing
(if by best, you mean the one
you hate the most)
4. Miracle Ear

not to be a know-it-all or anything.

HPLuvr said...

Only Yanaj would cop out to spotting Tom Arnold. Did you trip over any fire hydrants when you saw R. Redford?

Bone Junior said...

Robert Redford looked like a mix between crinkled tissue paper and chewed leather. But he's still hot for an old guy. He's hanging in there with those highlights.

li'l mil said...

i especially like your vote for "best live theater."


g said...

so weird- i left you a comment on here yesterday and today it's not on there anymore. Did you delete it? Confused! It was about giving details on the return phone call. How could you say that and then not deliver? Also- really did you delete my comment?

Bone Junior said...

Blogger was being retarded yesterday - I copied and re-published that post twice. Maybe that's how your comment got deleted? I didn't see it. :(