One of These Things Is Not Like the Other

Today I was poking around the US Navy's website (have I mentioned that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life?) and came across an interesting quiz. The Navy promised that if I took this quiz, they'd tell me what I should do with my life. Sounds easy enough.

The first set of questions was a series of pictures in pairs. I was supposed to pick whichever picture was "most like me". This proved to be much more difficult than I originally thought, because for the life of me, I couldn't figure out which pictures were "most like me". Allow me to walk you through my decision making process.

At first, I thought this picture was supposed to illustrate someone who is unprepared and walks into sprinklers. But the guy is wearing a tie and carrying briefcase, which seems pretty prepared to me. But he also is not wearing a belt, which may be a symbol for a lack of preparation in the case of a pantsing attack. There were so many mixed messages in this one that I just gave up, and decided that his guy is not like me because he can extend his arm straight out to his side, which I cannot do. But I can open my mouth that wide, and I sometimes stand in front of sprinklers. But I also do not have a briefcase.
Final verdict: Not like me.



I think I nailed this one on the first try - this guy is not like me. There are just too many things about the picture that creep me out, starting with his mock turtleneck and very odd coffee mug. Not to mention his unnecessarily huge muffin plate and uncomfortably high table. Is he sitting at the kiddie table? I am also not a fan of the Plastic Japanicus Plant behind him. But then I thought, if he continues to sit with his arm propped up on that table, then eventually he may not be able to lift his arm, which IS like me. However, I would like to make it clear that I do not wear mock turtlenecks.
Final verdict: Like me.


These next two pictures presented a dilemma for me, because I couldn't figure out which person I was supposed to be. Like M.C. Hammer, let's break it down now.


Ok, first we have a group of perfectly diversified people (note the token Asian... at least I think he's Asian, maybe Hispanic....either way, he fills the P.C. demographic). The best I can figure is that the three people standing around cheering have managed to sucessfullly turn the black man into a Wolfman who has begun his transformation. He clearly has a pained expression on his face (you would too, if you were becoming a Wolfman) while the others seem to be celebrating and wearing shirts that are too short. To be part of this group, the only requirement seems to be standing at an odd angle with your pelvis thrust forward. But they can all lift their arms above their head, which I cannot do.
Final verdict: not like me.


This second group - wait, isn't that the same Asian guy from the Wolfman group?? I think it is! Something is fishy here... I thought the Navy had just happened to catch totally normal people doing totally normal things in their totally normal, demographically balanced groups! I feel duped.

Back to the breakdown, this group is enthusiastically engrossed in watching Perfect Strangers. Maybe they have some kind of eating game where they have shove handfuls of popcorn into their mouth everytime Balky says "Don't be ridic-ooooo-lus." The other requirement of the game is that you have to keep your mouth open at all times, which can make for messy eating, which also explains the pleather couch. I can't figure out that pink wall though...

Final verdict: Like me. I mean, come on, who doesn't like Perfect Strangers? And also being sandwiched between two ethnically diverse guys on a pleather couch.