Friday, July 28, 2006

One of These Things Is Not Like the Other

Today I was poking around the US Navy's website (have I mentioned that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life?) and came across an interesting quiz. The Navy promised that if I took this quiz, they'd tell me what I should do with my life. Sounds easy enough.

The first set of questions was a series of pictures in pairs. I was supposed to pick whichever picture was "most like me". This proved to be much more difficult than I originally thought, because for the life of me, I couldn't figure out which pictures were "most like me". Allow me to walk you through my decision making process.

At first, I thought this picture was supposed to illustrate someone who is unprepared and walks into sprinklers. But the guy is wearing a tie and carrying briefcase, which seems pretty prepared to me. But he also is not wearing a belt, which may be a symbol for a lack of preparation in the case of a pantsing attack. There were so many mixed messages in this one that I just gave up, and decided that his guy is not like me because he can extend his arm straight out to his side, which I cannot do. But I can open my mouth that wide, and I sometimes stand in front of sprinklers. But I also do not have a briefcase.
Final verdict: Not like me.

I think I nailed this one on the first try - this guy is not like me. There are just too many things about the picture that creep me out, starting with his mock turtleneck and very odd coffee mug. Not to mention his unnecessarily huge muffin plate and uncomfortably high table. Is he sitting at the kiddie table? I am also not a fan of the Plastic Japanicus Plant behind him. But then I thought, if he continues to sit with his arm propped up on that table, then eventually he may not be able to lift his arm, which IS like me. However, I would like to make it clear that I do not wear mock turtlenecks.
Final verdict: Like me.

These next two pictures presented a dilemma for me, because I couldn't figure out which person I was supposed to be. Like M.C. Hammer, let's break it down now.

Ok, first we have a group of perfectly diversified people (note the token Asian... at least I think he's Asian, maybe Hispanic....either way, he fills the P.C. demographic). The best I can figure is that the three people standing around cheering have managed to sucessfullly turn the black man into a Wolfman who has begun his transformation. He clearly has a pained expression on his face (you would too, if you were becoming a Wolfman) while the others seem to be celebrating and wearing shirts that are too short. To be part of this group, the only requirement seems to be standing at an odd angle with your pelvis thrust forward. But they can all lift their arms above their head, which I cannot do.
Final verdict: not like me.

This second group - wait, isn't that the same Asian guy from the Wolfman group?? I think it is! Something is fishy here... I thought the Navy had just happened to catch totally normal people doing totally normal things in their totally normal, demographically balanced groups! I feel duped.

Back to the breakdown, this group is enthusiastically engrossed in watching Perfect Strangers. Maybe they have some kind of eating game where they have shove handfuls of popcorn into their mouth everytime Balky says "Don't be ridic-ooooo-lus." The other requirement of the game is that you have to keep your mouth open at all times, which can make for messy eating, which also explains the pleather couch. I can't figure out that pink wall though...

Final verdict: Like me. I mean, come on, who doesn't like Perfect Strangers? And also being sandwiched between two ethnically diverse guys on a pleather couch.


The Rules said...

Perfect Strangers was one of the most underrated sitcoms of the mid-eighties. The comedic chemistry between Balky Bartokomous and Co-sin Lahry App Lay Ton remains unmatched to this day. May I take this opportunity to thank you most exquisitely for bringing back the fond memories!

Stupidramblings said...

'Perfect Strangers?' Oh my HECK, I don't even know anyone who watched it while it was on the air. 'Cept me, of course. *ahem*

None of those picture looked normal to me BTW.

I always liked the NAVY ad featuring the 'life accelerator' which I assume is a way they can predict your future if you sign up for the NAVY. To me it sounds like a good name for the machine they use in "The Princess Bride" to make Wesley mostly dead.

The pictures of the people are just odd enough that I wonder if they (the people) have been through the life accelerator...

The Rules said...

PS. How 'bout a link to that Navy quiz, huh?

Bone Junior said...

Co-sin Lahry App Lay Ton!! Isn't that something in calculus?

Stupidramblings - it was the very same Life Accelerator quiz that produced those pictures. Although this quiz sucks, I don't think it sucks life the way that Christopher Guest does.

PS- The quiz can be found on the US NAVY website.

Andi Mae said...

Sarah, you slay me. Again.

Andi Mae said...

My next post is going to be: "Why I am not as funny as Sarah." Thank you again for prompting my husband to say, "Sarah is SO funny. Your blog isn't funny." Point noted, thank you.

barb said...

'now we so happy- we do the dance of joy!!'

Andi Mae said...

The exact web site where the Life Accelerator quiz may be found is:

Andi Mae said...

Adam and I took the quiz, on behalf of Sarah, considering what she could and couldn't do with her arm. Sarah, you should make an addendum to your post and include some of the other hideous pictures! We ruled out anything for you that required your arm to be lifted over your head. But you left out the Empire Records wannabe (with shirt too short) socilaizing with overly-excited homosexual boy, complete with bad goati. That set of pictures also included stupid blonde about to touch hot cookies on cookie sheet. Her counterpart holding the cookie sheet was smart enough to think to wear and oven mit. He has to swat her hand away to prevent her from hurting herself. Definitely, NOT like you. I think you can tell the difference in a cools versus hot cookie sheet.

barb said...

plus you aren't blonde.

Bone Junior said...

I should mention that my arm is getting a little better, so I can lift it a little, but you're on the right track by eliminating anyone who can lift their arms over their heads. You are on point!

For future reference, I think we should categorize all of the following as being "not like me": blondes, anyone with normal arm mobility, people who cannot tell the difference between a hot cookie sheet and a cool cookie sheet, and anyone with the ability to transform into a Wolfman.

Also for future reference, we should categorize all of the following as being "like me": anyone who is really, really hot.