Monday, July 03, 2006

No Bones About It: The Devil Wears Prada (Made in China)

The Devil Wears Prada

What a great way to start my fourth of July holiday - driving down University Avenue, gawking at all the crazies (also known as the people who have staked out their blankets, tarps, lawn chairs and sleeping bags with caution tape for the highly anticipated Provo City Parade tomorrow.) People have been out there since before the weekend, camping out on the sidewalks to make sure they have front row seats for the big show.

Personally, I've never seen the parade here (is that sacreligious? Is my blood no longer blue?) so maybe I just don't understand what all the hoo ha is about. Maybe I'll never know. And I'm ok with that.

The whole point of driving down University was to get to the theater for the last cheap show of The Devil Wears Prada. My usual movie buddies in tow (Erin, Ryan, and Janay), I was just bursting with excitement to get into the theater - whoda thunk it would be this crowded at 5:00 on a Monday night? Our usual seats were taken (first row of the upper level, with the bar in front of it) so I led the pack up the steps to the next best prime time seats - middle of the row, towards the top. As we made our way up the right side aisle, I saw a girl directly opposite me in the left side aisle, also making her way upwards. We made eye contact, and in that moment I knew that she too was after the prime seats - now it was just a race to the death. I made a beeline (what the heck does that mean, anyway? What is a bee line??) for the row, blubber bouncing in all the right places, and elbowed my way across the lap of the lady in the end seat. My nemesis was making the same hurdling progress, but there was no way I was going to lose the exact middle seat. We're talking prime real estate here. We met in the middle, and I muscled my way into the seat. More like, flabbied my way into the seat.

Score one for Bone Junior!

But then... she sat down right next to me - throwing down the gauntlet. No one likes to sit next to strangers in the theater, and she was testing my dedication by forcing me to choose between sitting next to her Indian-food-smelling body, and giving up the prime seat. For those of you who know me, I don't think I need to tell you which choice I made. We all know that nothing gets between me and my middle seat. Plus, it gave me the opportunity to purposely usurp all of her elbow room.

My next joyous experience came when the slide asking everyone to silence their cell phones came up on the screen and stayed up for about five minutes, promising us that our feature presentation would start momentarily. When this happens, my favorite thing is to watch the people in the audience, and see how long it takes for them to start turning around to stare at the little window of the projection room at the back of the theater. Some of these people really get into it - their conviction to bore holes through the glass with their eyes really inspires me. Next time, I'm going to try and start a revolution of hundreds of people all staring at that little window in unison. It could be like the Care Bear Stare, and suddenly hearts coming shooting out of my eyes. Maybe those hearts would break the glass...?

Back to the movie, I'd have to say that I loved it on many levels. I'd read the book last summer and was really looking forward to seeing Meryl Streep flaunt the magic fountain of youth that she's sold her soul for. She really looks incredible!! I personally think that she pocketed some of the left over potion from Death Becomes Her. I know you know what I'm talking about, don't front.

The first thing I noticed was the Anne Hathaway looks like my sister. The second thing I noticed was that Ryan was way more into the film than I expected him to be. More into it than I expected anybody to be. There were several dramatic moments when the theater was silent, except for Ryan's cries of disbelief and shock. This man made no secret about how much he was loving the movie. It was thoroughly entertaining, and surprisingly toned-down from the book. I was hoping for more outlandish displays from Streep's character, but she was amazing anyway. And Anne Hathaway is just too cute. In all, it was really fun.

After leaving the theater, my movie buddies saw a little bit of the devil in me (groan, eye roll.... can you believe I just made that terrible pun / trendy reference?? Neither can I). We were in the lobby, waiting for Ryan, when I felt a sticky projectile hit my leg. I looked down and saw some globular thing on the floor by my foot, and then a sticky looking kid (he was probably twelve or thirteen) bending down to pick it up and add it to the pile of sticky globular things in his hand. I think Erin and Janay would say that I attempted to burn a hole in his head with my laser beam death ray eyes. I stared at him with a look of pure disgust and abhorrance that I didn't know I could achieve, until he mumbled an apology. It was truly a thing of beauty to behold - or so I'm told.

Big plans for the fourth - I'm already planning out our next tiff with the river parkies that try to make us pay them to park on the public road there. Last time, the lady actually chased after us, into the road, threatening to call the sherrif. Thanks to my job, I have access to some big brains who know all about easements and zoning laws and such, and I feel pretty secure that there's nothing they can do to us for parking on the road. But I'm getting really sick of having to deal with their head bobs and altered English every time we get out of the river.

So parkies, beware, because this time, I'm bringing the big guns. I hope you bought your tickets to the show.


Andi Mae said...

You're so entertaining! Tell me why again you decided to go into MARRIAGE THERAPY instead of screenwriting???
I want to see that movie also (of course I was outvoted and that's why we saw Superman). I also loved that you used the words "Indian-smelling-body" and "usurp". You truly are a great editorialist. (hmm, word?)

Oh, and Adam says he wants you to come see him again. (Let's see, the last time you came, I could have sworn you came to see ME, but whatever.) He says you're funny and you make him laugh. He says you're funny like the way he used to be funny in high school. And I must ask, where did THAT Adam go? I would have LOVED to marry him! So, come to visit Adam, you remind him of his long-lost self.

Andi Mae said...

Adam also says that he's not funny anymore because real life hit him and broke his spirit. Alas, poor soul.

Bone Junior said...

I'm glad you laugh at my blogs, it makes me happy that I'm not the only one. And I have to admit, her body didn't smell like Indian food, but I didnt know how to spell "pachouli".... and I still don't, so Indian food smelling body it was. Tell Adam not to let his broken spirit get him down - I LOVE his toe pointing routine!
How far is Houston from Dallas??

barb said...

how come adam only likes sarah. he Never asks me to come to dinner. maybe i smell like indian food...:(
anyway- i used to live on parade street. and believe you me- it was no picnic in the park to try to sleep in the air conditionless apartment the night before the fourth of the ly. the parade is quite stunning though. i'm sorry you've missed it. my favorite is usually the dwarf ponies. they amaze the same way midgets in the grocery store do.

Andi Mae said...

Correction, Adam loves all of you! I think Adam just liked seeing two girls in pajamas at his house in the morning, and then laughed heartily as Sarah was making fun of my waffles. It was what he wanted to say but didn't.