Choose Your Own Adventure

I wasn't going to share this, but in the words of Andi, "Dignity shmignity." So there you go. Buckle your seat belts boys, you're in a for a fun ride.

This glorius thing of beauty that you see before you happened to me over the weekend. I won't specify which body part you're looking at, suffice it to say that I've been sitting on an inflatable donut at work.

I could just tell you how it happened, but this is where the interactive fun comes in. It happened to me in one of the following ways:

*Note: the scenarios you are about to read have actually happened to me. I'm not making this up. Now you must choose your own adventure to decide how this particular bruise happens*

Adventure A : After getting off the phone, you tell a friend that you're going to "hop in the shower" and then get ready to go. You go into the bathroom, and think to yourself, 'I wonder if I really can hop in the shower?!?!' With the water running, you attempt to bunny-hop your way into the shower. . .

Adventure B : You are at work talking to a subcontractor, trying desperately to convince him that you know what you're talking about, when the printer gets jammed. You squat down to get more paper out of the lower cupboard, and in the process....

Adventure C : You are tubing down the Provo river with your favorite marrieds, trying to catch up to them when you lift your bum to pick the increasingly northward-bound weggie. After achieving relief, you drop back into the water...

Now, the cliff-hanger results of your adventure:

If you chose Adventure A: As soon as your feet land in the tub, they immediately slip out from under you, causing you to flail and frantically grab at the shower curtain, which promptly comes loose from the wall and falls on top of you. At that same moment, you crack your patootey on the edge of the tub, rendering you helpless to ward off the attack from a giant lizard, which eats you.

If you chose Adventure B: You manage to ram your rump into the paper tray of the copy machine behind you, which is made of solid plastic and metal, and sticking out about 3 feet. The tray snaps off, but not before catching your skirt on it while you continue to squat down, forcing you to once again flail unflatteringly to try and salvage your dignity. You fail at that attempt, and are eaten by a giant lizard.

If you chose Adventure C: You ease back into the water, only to have your right butt cheek met dead-on by a jagged boulder of unrealistic proportions. It may have been an iceberg - you can't be sure, everything happened so fast. Less than twenty minutes later, another giagantic, volcanic-like rock rises from the rapids to strike you in the exact same place. You think you taught those rocks a lesson, but you think too quickly, because a giant lizard emerges from the river bed and eats you.

I suppose I've shredded my dignity enough for one blog. I'm leaving now to nurse my wounded pride...