A Deadly Cure Without a Disease

In celebration of Yanaj's 24th birthday yesterday, I took my girls to the Blaze game. I've been dying to get to one of these games all season, and thanks to one of my subcontractors at work, we scored AMAZING seats.



None of the gals had been to an arena football game before, but I think they knew what they were in for when I forced them to buy foam fingers. I already had one, of course.

"Ylime, stick the finger up your nose. Just do it! It will be funny! Shut up, just do it! I promise it will be funny! No, of course I'm not going to put this on my blog! Now just do it!"

Yanaj really got into it...I love the trails around the tip of the finger, indicating major action and movement...
I know it looks like Elizabeth is just cheering, but actually the mascot was shooting gumdrops into the crowd and she was trying to catch them in her mouth.

This was taken at the exact moment that Ylime yelled,
"Slam dunk!"


This is the one that I liked. Any guesses why?




And this is how much I liked him.

We inadvertantly made friends with the mexican guy behind us. And by "made friends", I mean that when he asked me to take his picture, he said "Thank you", to which my response was, "No problem," to which his response was, "No, SPANK you!" to which my response was the finger. My foam finger, of course.

Tonight is the highly anticipated G-Love concert, and I. Cannot. Wait. I am SO excited. T-minus five hours and counting...

Send Your Pictures to Dear Old Captain Noah**...

So the sad reality of my dating life is that McBicep has yet to kiss me. The even sadder reality of my dating life is that McBicep leaves in about a week for a 3-month long internship in Detriot.

What makes me more sadder about this dating reality is having to come into work every Monday and respond to the prodding of the supers with a resounding, dejected sigh. No, I didn't get kissed this weekend. Again. No, I didn't even try to hold his hand. Again. Yes, I'm sure he's not gay. Yes, really, he's not gay. Because I know! Better luck next weekend.

I'm tired of having to tell everyone about my kissing failures - isn't it enough that McBicep is still calling me and taking me out? Isn't it enough that we've gone out every single weekend since January? Isn't it enough that he pays for everything? Isn't it enough that he laughs at my lame jokes and hangs out with my friends and is letting me have his piano for the summer?

The correct answer is yes, it should be enough. But try telling that to a bunch of construction workers who like to bust my balls every chance they get. I can't tell you how many rounds of "Gay / Not Gay" I've gone over the walky talkies with guys on the job site.

So I've decided to start lying to everyone just to get them off my back. My favorite lie comes courtesy of Hey Mikki You So Fine, who advised the following: "Tell them he took you out for a picnic, read you a poem about your hair, and then wrapped it around his massive manly finger and pulled you in..."

On the plus side, however, I will be the proud new babysitter of a 2002 red Camaro convertible in pristine condition that I am too terrified to even drive around the neighborhood out of fear of something happening to it and me losing my life. Yes folks, McBicep is entrusting me to keep an eye on his most prized posession while he's in Michigan. In other words, he gets free storage. Sigh.

But instead of debating the tits and tats of whether or not McBicep is simply taking advantage of my kindness, lets focus on the task at hand: creating the perfect goodie bag for his roadtrip. I was bouncing ideas off G, and all I could come up with was filling a cooler with trail mix, Diet Pepsi, apples, dried fruit and gum. Have I mentioned that McBicep eats like a caveman? And since I don't know how to cook chicken or burgers, mastodon wing is my only other option. Except that mastodon's don't even have wings. So there goes my last idea.

G's idea was for me to revert back to my previous fail-safe method that was supposed to get me kissed.

G: It would be great if you could make cinnamon rolls again and send him on his way full of delicious, cinnamony, chewy, frosting covered love.

Bone Junior: How would I package those for him to take?

G: I dont know - individually wrapped in Bone Junior and foil maybe?

You read correctly. G's idea was for me to wrap the cinnamon rolls in myself and send him on his way. It turned out to be a Freudian slip, but I like that idea - after all, who doesn't like a cinnamon roll wrapped in Bone Junior?

So this is where I need your help. A) Coming up with suitable and accordingly funny lies; and B) Ideas for McBicep's cross-country goodie bag. If no one responds, then shame on you all for making a mockery of my life, and I hereby tender my resignation as resident blogger.

**If anyone actually gets that reference, you have earned my eternal respect.

A Simple Question

Bone Junior: Hey Easter Bunny, can I ask you a question?

Easter Bunny: nods.

Bone Junior: Well you see, my friend McBicep and I are having this debate...well he's kind of my friend but kind of this guy I'm dating, and I've had a really huge crush on him for a long time now and I finally asked him out and now we're dating but not exclusively or anything, I mean, we haven't kissed yet and he's leaving for the summer to do an internship in Michigan, so I'm really hoping something happens before then, but if not then I guess it will be OK, anyway, he's really smart and he thinks he knows everything about everything, and we were talking about Easter and I made him an Easter basket full of his favorite candy, and I even put purple grass in there so he would think of me, and he was like "Does it come in different colors?" because he doesn't even know because his family never did baskets and stuff when he was growing up, and then he was all "Oh, have fun worshipping a bunny that lays eggs" and I was all, "The Easter bunny doesn't lay the eggs, he just paints them and hides them. No bunny can lay eggs. I have never heard that before. No bunny can lay eggs, except for that Cadbury bunny, and he only lays chocolate eggs," and he was all, "No way, the Easter bunny totally lays the eggs, which is why the whole holiday is ridiculous to begin with," and I was all, "The Easter bunny does not LAY THE EGGS! I have never ever heard that before!" and he was all, "Yes he does," and I was all, "Fine, well I'm going to see the Easter bunny tonight and I'm going to get an answer straight from the horse's mouth, and then you'll see that a bunny can't lay eggs," and he was all, "Fine, ask the Easter bunny," and I was all, "Fine, I will. You're not so smart, you know?" and then I left, so here I am, and I just have to know, do you lay the eggs or do you just paint them and hide them?"

Long pause.

Easter Bunny: Even I don't know that answer. Now could you please get off my lap? My leg is falling asleep.
In other news, I am now officially Aunt Bone Junior. Bone Senior delivered - au natural, I might add - a healthy baby boy on Thursday. 8 lbs 1 oz, 21 inches long, big lips, big feet, and lots of dark hair. Baby Bone has yet to be named...

Why My Birfdee was Da Bomb...Dot Com.

Thanks to my friends, I had an amazing birthday. It all started with a 6:00 am wake-up call from my dad doing his best Elvis impression & singing happy birthday. My response was to remind my dad of the time difference between the east coast and the almost west coast, and then rolled back over to spoon with Soft Elvis.

The day was filled with calls and visits from just about everyone I know. I got flowers, balloons, cards, and CANDY CANDY CANDY! The girls at work took me out to lunch, McBicep took me out to dinner, and the celebration continued until Thursday, when Erin picked me up for dinner. I got in the car and made wateh when G popped up in the back seat and scared the crap out of me - she told me she'd already gone back to California.

I was forced to wear a princess tiara, princess earrings, and a princess boa. Who knew such a thing existed. Then I was blindfolded and driven to my favorite restaurant, Ruby Tuesday, where my roomies met us to partake in the world's greatest croutons. Try them - they truly are amazing.
Erin & G gave me a boxed set of Elvis's DVDs, and Yanaj & Ylime got me tickets to see G-Love and Special Sauce!! I screamed with delight, as you can see.













Erin, Me, Yanaj, Ylime and G after dinner. Two things I love about this picture.
1. G's hand so casually in her pocket;
2. The fact that I look like I've smeared my face with deck stain compared to the fair whiteness of my companions.

After dinner, I came home to a full blown princess party, decorated entirely in purple. Complete with a personalized cake and crowns. Your eyes do not deceive - that's a picture of me, in a towel, being suprised by Yanaj bursting in the bathroom. I'm so thrilled that moment could be immortalized on a cake.

The rest of the night was spent making toasts to me and laughing until we made wateh. Please to enjoy some of my favorite pictures from the grand event.

Erin's Delta Airlines Flight Attendant Face.

Erin & G, and Henefir's purple arm and Hagrid hair. I love you Henefir!

Erin the amputee.
I'm laughing so hard that it looks like I'm about to unhinge my jaw and swallow something large.


G had been in town for a week, and I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard with her. Oh wait. Yes I can. It was the last time she was in town, over Thanksgiving last fall, when we tried our hands at espionage. That was also the first time G laid eyes on McBicep and I used her as a human shield. And just four short months later, I'm dating him. Whoda thunk.

In the subsequent months since Thanksgiving, I've probably talked to G the most about McBicep, only because she was one of the few to witness first-hand how I reacted to him. Also because we both work on Saturdays and have nothing to do other than talk to eachother online. She knows every detail of every everything when it comes to me and McBicep (as you may recall, she was the intended recipient of that fateful text message). And since she's a therapist in training, I take her advice very seriously, and in return, G and her California friends get to live vicariously through me. Apparently I'm very big in Old Sac.

It started as a joke when G told me that she keeps her single gal friends informed as the McBicep story unfolds. She said its like a club of girls all on the edge of their seats, white knuckled and dying to find out what happens next. I said that if there's a Living Vicariously Through Sarah club, then she's the president.

Then I busted out the puffy paints once more, and betrothed one final gift to G:

Thank you to everyone who made my birthday so much fun!

24: The Year in Review

With the celebration of my 25th birthday today, I wanted to take a look back at the year that was 24. Journey with me as I chronologically and fondly revisit some of the blogging memories of yesteryear.

So long, 24! You were good to me. Definitely better than that lame tv show (gasp!) Join in the fun and vote for your favorite Bone Junior memory!



Remember when I suffered from impingement in my right shoulder...


... or there was the time I graduated from BYU. There was also that time before Bone Senior was pregnant and she looked exactly the same as that time when she was nine months pregnant.

...or the time I taped a strange piece of metal to my shirt and walked around all day, tapping it like a communicator from Star Trek...


...or when I mailed Samuel to my boss...




...or when I tried to be a helpful roommate by warning Yanaj of impending flying danger...





...and who can forget the time i cacked my butt on a rock while tubing down the river...




...or the time I became known as a merciless bird killer around the office...


...or when I fulfilled my lifelong dream of going to Graceland for Elvis Week, thus concluding my Graduation Tour '06...


...or the time I went slummin for about three weeks and had to start my car with a screwdriver..



...or that time I accidentally punched myself in the chin, displacing my jaw for approximately two weeks...



...then there was the time I got to announce to the world - in my own special, tactful way - that I was going to be an aunt...








...and the time I shamelessly exploited Yanaj for my own viewing pleasure...





...or the time I admitted to soiling myself at Disney World...




...or that time I stepped on my cape and broke my foot...

...and last but not least, that time when I overcame my biggest fear of

the year and asked out Huge Bald Guy With Biceps As Big As My Head.

So there you have it, kiddos. My 24th Year In Review. Vote now!

Win, Lose or Draw

Enquiring minds want to know, and so enquiring minds know to ask. And ask I did. Two results of my enquiring mind are pictured below. In other words, I had questions that apparently could only be answered with drawings. Your mission: correctly identify what these drawings are supposed to be.

Exhibit A: Drawn by Wolfe

Exhibit B: Drawn by McBicep

I should also mention that there will be a prize for whomever can correctly (or most closely) guess the drawings. This excludes anyone who already knows the answer. That means you, Yanaj. Sneaky russian.

Patience is a Virtue

So after two months, fourteen dates plus a handful of other events, and countless hours of advice from friends, I finally get to say the words you've all been waiting to hear: I got kissed!!!

April Fools! I didn't really get kissed yet. Sorry to disappoint. Instead, please to enjoy Phase 2 of our trip to Philadelphia.


Before we saw Bone Senior, I got to take Erin around my hometown and treat her to the best hot dogs ever made: Harry's. I also got to perfect my deer-in-the-headlights wax-figure facial expression.

Erin enjoy's her first taste of Harry's.









Our job for the baby shower was to make brownies. Obviously, I succeeded at eating the batter.




Erin made a new friend / make out partner with my dog Samson.

One of my gifts for Baby Bone. Translation: I'm going to be the coolest aunt ever.

Bone Senior loved the hat G made.

Isn't she cute?

One of the blankets I made.

Samuel was thrilled to have a taste of Pat's, the King of Steaks.

Samuel, again thrilled to be a part of Philadelphia history.

Samuel insisted on having this photo taken for posterity.



Both Samuel and Erin experience the legendary Wawa for the first time.












Bone Senior and Samuel, who was thrilled to finally meet his hero in person.



While we waited in line for the Independence Hall tour, I talked to the baby, while Bone Senior balked.


Me and the two people who are going to be the most mad when they read my blog and think that McBicep kissed me.

Who Needs a Man?

Last night, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my wish of coming home to a stiff man in my bed had come true. I jumped and clapped my hands together with glee, especially when I read his pillow talk...














I shouldn't have been too surprised though, seeing as how I've found Stiff Elvis in my closet, in my bathroom, behind my shower curtain, and in the guest bathroom. Stiff Elvis never fails to impress and startle a little.

I think what I love the most about these pictures is that Stiff Elvis is laying next to an Elvis pillowcase, which I call Soft-to-Spoon-With-Elvis, and later on, I stood him up against the wall underneath an Elvis clock that's identical to Stiff Elvis. It's like we've come full circle. That, or the color scheme in my bedroom is purple and Elvis.