Thursday, May 22, 2008

I'm Too Old For This

Once upon a time, I rarely went to bed before 2 am, and if there was a midnight showing of a movie on opening day, I was there. I had no trouble staying awake through a movie that didn't let out until 3 am.

Now? Not so much.

We went to see the midnight show of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull last night. By 8pm I was already yawning and wondering how I was going to last another seven hours. To keep me going, I had plenty of Diet Pepsi Max on hand and the pure excitement about finally seeing the new Indiana Jones...which actually turned out to be the very old, slow, and wrinkly Indiana Jones.

Don't get me wrong - I'm all about old guys making their comebacks. Sylvester Stallone, I love you. I loved the newest Rambo film and I don't care how old he is - Rocky looks freaking amazing for his age. Bruce Willis is another hot example of an old guy who still has the moves. Not to say that Harrison Ford doesn't look good, but...he just looks old. He sounds old, he moves old, and part of me is fairly certain that he smells old.

On the other hand, I imagine that Sylvester Stallone smells like leather, sweat and maybe diesel fuel. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

I don't want to spoil the movie for anyone, but it was...okay. Shine-uh My Buff is adorably hot, and there is some light comic relief. It's worth seeing in the theater for the completely ridiculous stunts. I also recommend not going at midnight because you may find yourself doing the head jerking thing a lot. Although the best part about it was the full length trailer for The Dark Knight beforehand.

Another best part about the movie was how we were let into the theater an hour before show time and this girl literally walked around to every single row and explained to people that it was her friend's birthday, and at exactly midnight, she wanted everyone in the theater to sing happy birthday. I'd overheard her shpiel several rows back and as she approached us, I thought okay, I can have some fun with this.

Girl: It's my friend's birthday blah blah blah midnight everyone sing blah blah blah okay??

Bone Junior: Sure, but how does that song go?

Girl: Blink blink. Slight confusion. Happy Birthday?

Bone Junior: Yeah, how does it go?

Girl: Nervous laughter. Um...starts singing...happy birthday toooooooo yoooouuuu--- do you really not know?

Bone Junior: No, I know how it goes, I'm just a jerk.

Ah, socially inappropriate behavior is awesome, especially at the expense of someone else.

You know what else was awesome? How half of my Butterfinger broke off and fell onto the floor and I picked it up and ate it. Off the movie theater floor.

That's just how I roll.


Scratch Subtle said...

I STILL think you should have busted out with "for she's a jolly good fellow . . ." then found the girl and tried to hoist her up on your shoulders.

Josh and Gloriana said...

hahahaaha- that is great. I think you should move here so I can experience things like that with you.

$teve said...

I have heard some bad reviews for that movie...but the Butterfinger thing is hot. :)

Andi Mae said...


li'l mil said...

I read part of your post to FIL Mil and MIL Mil...

FIL Mil: Tell your sister the next time she sees me I'll be in a tinted, hermetically sealed box so she can't see or smell me.

BWAH HAHAHAHAAA. FIL Mil is pretty sure he doesn't smell like leather, sweat, and diesel fuel.

Brandon & Amber said...

I think I just about lost my breakfast at that last comment!

Brandon & Amber said...

I meant to say at the end of your post....not about the comment before me!

hizznizzle said...

Just know that any of my friends would get this comment for eating ANYTHING of the floor of a movie theater.


There is only one rung on the ladder of "eating off the floor" lower than eating things off the floor of a movie theater and that is the public restroom. Here I sit in giddy anticipation just waiting.