This Is Why I'm Hot

In case you needed further evidence to support the theory that I'm both extremely well-mannered and not slobby or tacky in any way, allow me to present you with the following exhibits.

Exhibit A:

Last week was The Jam's birthday. I took her a box of raspberry cream cheese bear claws as a gift, stayed and visited with her for a few minutes, at which time she insisted I try one of the bear claws. I proceeded to inhale a bear claw, barely pausing to wipe the jelly from my chin in the process.

Yesterday, I stopped by to visit with The Jam and was informed that last week when I'd been there, devouring said tasty pastries, I'd dropped a glob of jelly onto the back of her dog, Rosie; and it wasn't discovered until hours later. The image of me shoving pastry into my mouth at such a rapid pace that I didn't notice the huge globs dropping out of my mouth kept playing over and over in my head. Hot, I know.

Exhibit B:

Last night, Yanaj's brother and his family came over for dinner. His wife cooked an amazing dinner consisting of rich foods that I hadn't eaten for a very long time: fettuccine with alfredo sauce, chicken topped with grilled veggies and cheese, garlic cheese bread, and strawberry cake. About an hour after I'd finished gorging myself on carbs, the crew had left and I was sitting around visiting with Yanaj and Nicole. Please to enjoy a transcript of the conversation that took place:

Bone Junior: So the message he left was pretty rude (pauses momentarily to let a huge one rip) Ugh, sorry guys, that one really stinks. Phew! Ugh! I'm really sorry you have to smell that! Anyway, I thought it was really funny that I'd made such an effort to be polite to him (pauses again, lifting butt cheek slightly to let another one rip, followed by a stunned look of shock on my face) Oh! I think I just pooped myself! (Jumps up and runs to nearest bathroom whilst roommates are rolling on the floor with laughter.)

Luckily, I hadn't pooped myself, but it was a really close call.

Exhibit C:

My birthday is in one week, and I registered myself at Target. Yes, really. I'm just that tacky. It's more of a joke than anything else, although it has to be said that Target.com has some freaking awesome Elvis stuff.

Conclusion: Nothing is too embarrassing for me to blog about.