Sacramento: Where All Your Wildest Dreams Come True

Ok maybe not where all my wildest dreams come true, because if that were the case, I would've been swimming in a kiddie pool full of mayonnaise with Dominic Purcell all weekend, but close enough.

I got to Sac Town late Friday night after flying FIRST class...up in the sky, drinking CHAMpagne, hum huh huh hum, GLAMOROUS GLAMOROUS, something like that. And the madness ensued.

I felt pressure to be awesome and hilarious all weekend, because most of G's friends are readers of my blog but have never met me; so I felt like I had a serious reputation to live up to. I was worried that they'd all be disappointed when they finally met me in the flesh because I'm not nearly as interesting in real life as I am on the dot com machine. It's kind of like how I feel when I go home and meet all the dental student housewives.

I think I have two choices when it comes to these situations. A) Preface my introduction by saying, "I apologize in advance for not being as clever, witty, and hilarious as I am on my blog;" or B) Show up everywhere wearing big floppy shoes and a red nose because what's not hilarious about that?

Back to the weekend. G's friends and younger sister Heidi were a blast to hang out with: Seriously, how cute is she! I really loved Heidi because she had no qualms whatsoever about letting me be her puppet master. In fact, she jumped at the opportunity; hence the reason I have this picture of her doing...I don't remember what I told her to do, but it was funny.This is a picture of when I told Heidi to see how many
mini-muffins she could fit in her mouth at once. G didn't seem to be stressed at all, although it's possible that she was really stressed out and I just didn't notice because I was too busy shoving chocolate-chocolate-chip muffins into my mouth. She descended the stairs looking like something out of a freaking Broadway musical.
I will never have the grace and charm to pull off an entrance like that.
And here we have the happy couple.

While the family pictures were being taken, Erin and I took our own pictures. Here we have our feet, which are wearing the same shoes. In the left background, you can see the E.T. toe on my other foot. Look at how that sucker almost hangs off the end of my shoe. Hot, I know.

I call this one Cascade of Brunette Hair.

I call this one All Up Ons My Grill.

Me with my new friends and two old friends.

G's wedding reception was fun and beautiful, G was glowing and beautiful, and I apologize G, because I accidentally poked a hole in your wedding cake with my finger. Hey, that's what you get when you ask me to help arrange fresh flowers and ribbons on the cake, ok? Not my fault. But I'm still sorry. Although I think I did a good job of covering up the hole with a flower, so you probably didn't even notice.

After:

Before, when I was trying to press flowers into the fondant and
instead pushed my finger through the cake:

Me and my new friends. You should be able to spot me fairly easily, given the light colored background and whatnot. I also have to apologize to the girl on the far right because I never once got her name right the whole weekend. Her name is Jylare (pronounced Jill-air) and I kept calling her Bel-Aire or Gel Ann, like she was some kind of shoe insert. I am sorry.

It was a whirlwind weekend, and I wish I could've spent more time there. I had an absolute blast and sent G off to become a changed woman. But nothing tops the moment when G's parents were leaving and we were standing on the front steps waving goodbye to them, and as they drove away, G's mom leaned out the window and yelled, "Bye, douche bags!"

There's no way I can top that.