Saturday, November 24, 2007

How to Get Kicked Out of Starbucks

Step One: Pull up in your car with the obscenely large Eagles sticker and park next to a Jeep with an obscenely large Cowboys sticker.

Step Two: Give the stink eye to the mullett- sporting big fat fatty wearing an Owens jersey as he gets out of the Jeep with the obscenely large Cowboys sticker.

Step Three: Go inside and place your order, choosing to take the high road and politely ignore the smack talk overheard between the BFF wearing the Owens jersey and the hood rat with him.

Step Four: Pick up your order, turn to the BFF and say you'd rather have a dog fart on your face than be a Cowboys fan.

Step Five: Quitely sip your drink as the BFF proceeds to go on a ranting shouting tantrum sprinkled with f-bombs about how much the Eagles suck.

Step Six: Give the BFF the double-fingered-crotch check, a la BYU circa 2000 (the Other Sisters know what I'm talking about), and back out the door as the barista steps between you and asks you to please leave.

Step Seven: Happily kick the tires of the Jeep with the obscenely large Cowboys sticker just before you peel out, waving your finger all the way.

And that, my friends, is how you stand by your team; even when you're 2,000 miles from home, and even when they suck.


Andi Mae said...

Go Tony Romo. And you too. That's pretty awesome.

li'l mil said...

i have no words.


not a single one.


that was AWESOME. (a la kevin on "the office")

$teve said...

I love you.

Being a fellow Eagles fan and going to that Packers / Cowboys game IN DALLAS next week, I'm half temped to buy a Tony Romo jersey...and scuff the top of the first letter on the back so it looks like an H.

"Hey buddy, somebody messed up yer jersey."
"Oh damn it!!! It was probably one of those sexy, well endowed Eagles fans that were behind me on the plane. Damn their clever asses!!!"

Then when Brett Favre wins it on the last drive, rip off the jersey to show my back tattoo of Calvin urinating on the Star and the initials T.O.

Anyway, to reiterate, I love you. GO PACKERS!!!

g said...

ok the "double fingered crotch check"? I have no idea what that is, but i seriously love you- you just totally made my morning.

Jackie said...

I quietly salute you.