Somebody's Got a Case of the Mondays, Except It's Tuesday

You guys. Ok.

I have nothing to blog about. Except that today I was playing ping-pong with one of the loan officers from across the hall, who I play against pretty often. We were PING-ing for serve, and he slammed the ball at my face, on purpose, and it hit me in the mouth. Right on the mouth, full speed, and it really stung. My eyes even watered a little.

But I bit my trembling lip and told him that karma was a bitch, so he'd better watch out. Then he beat me, and I'm still waiting for karma to kick in.

Some days. Sigh.

Something Might Be Wrong With Me

Last night I was standing in line at Redbox, waiting to return The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford, which only took me four nights to get through. Not because it was bad, but because I'm an old biddy now and I start to drift into a cholesterol-induced sleep immediately after I finish my McNuggets at 10:30 pm.

As I waited for the fourteen-year-olds in front of me to quit giggling and just pick their damn movie already, I looked to the side and watched the kids playing in the indoor play area. I was kind of zoning out when I noticed one, ahem, Hispanic child pointing his play gun at me and making shooting noises. I gave him a fake little smile and chuckle, then looked away. But when I looked back, he was still doing it, only now he had two more little friends pretending to shoot and kill me, and they all had angry looks on their faces.

So I did what any sane, rational person would do. I channeled the essence of my friend Barbie and imitated her classic "Charge the window and shoot em dead with fake pistols brandished while making a 'da DA da DA da DA' war cry."

For those of you who aren't familiar with this move, suffice it to say that in entailed me running towards the window, kicking my legs out to the side as I ran, using my fake hand pistols to jab the air as I yelled 'da DA da DA da DA', all whilst slightly hunched over. Hot, I know.

They scattered, and I walked away smugly, feeling confident I'd made my point.

Please Sir, I Want Some More

Remember these?So do I. And now I'm racing to save them, along with four other girls I work with.

We have formed a team to participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Salt Lake on May 10. Our company has sponsored us and challenged us to raise $150 in donations. Please go to this link and donate to a worthy cause! Even if it's just five bucks, it's something, and it helps.

http://www.active.com/donate/komenslc2008/kslcSBohe

If you love my ta tas as much as I do, it's worth it.

She's Crafty

Somewhere in between helping her friends, starting a company, and giving BIRTH; my good friend k*t managed to send me an amazing gift. Behold:That's right folks - a homemade Elvis blanket and two washcloths. K*t said it best in her card:

" Happy late birthday! I saw this blanket material & I thought of you right away, so naturally, I had to get it & make you a blanket! Then I saw the Elvis bordering & laughed out loud! I've never bordered anything before, let alone washcloths! I figured that any die hard Elvis fanatic just HAS to have an Elvis bordered washcloth. Plus, I figured that you'd love to have a sane excuse to rub his face all over your body! What better excuse than a washcloth! Now you can say you've showered with The King! "

I was totally blown away! THANK YOU K*T - you are amazing! And you're right, I did need a sane excuse to rub Elvis' face all over my body...

Home Again Home Again, Jiggety Jig

What a whirlwind weekend. My body is completely out of whack from taking red-eye flights to Philadelphia and the time change, and from being woken up every morning at 5:50 AM by a one-year-old peering over his crib at me, shouting, "Hi! Hi! Hi!"

It was wonderful.

I went home because Li'l Mil turned one year old and I had armloads of presents to deliver to him. This is why I'm the coolest aunt ever and why Li'l Mil is now the envy of all the other dental student children:

Can you guess what my inspiration was? And yes, I'm currently taking orders.

While I was home, I discovered that Li'l Mil had a shared love of two tasty and also wonderful things: my feet...

and Tastyklair pies.

Also while I was home, I took full advantage of the fact that Bone Senior's husband is a soon-to-be dentist, and I asked him to make impressions of my snaggle teeth and make a retainer for me. He kindly obliged, but I think he only did it so he could prevent me from talking for two minutes by shoving pink goopy stuff in my mouth. And Bone Senior took full advantage of the photo op: me drooling and trying not to gag while the dentist wiped the goopy stuff on my face.

Dentist: It's not really hard yet...hmmm...the stuff around your mouth is still soft....what about the part in your mouth? Is it hard?

Bone Senior: That's what she said.

Bone Junior: I make a really awesome spitting/gagging/laughing sound right as Bone Senior snapped the picture.

My favorite face of the weekend.

Bone Junior's Birthday Extravaganza 2008

My birthday celebration is over, the dust has settled, and I'll be eating cake and ice cream for breakfast for at least the next week. I had an absolutely fabulous birthday and thanks to my Target registry, I seriously got more gifts than I had since I was six. What more could a gal ask for?

Thank you thank you THANK YOU to everyone who came out to lunch, came out to dinner, gave me presents, called, texted, emailed, and watched me shove my face into the cake at the end of the night. I felt truly blessed to have so many people that care about me. Cue the single tear, aaaaaaaaaaaand scene.

I wanted to document how my makeup started out looking and how I was supposed to look incredibly fresh faced all night but unfortunately did not.

Bone Junior and Brother Bone. Can you spot the Bone who got the Lebanese genes? Also please to note how my skin tone is only slightly shades lighter than the wood paneled background. Damn you wood paneling! You trump me yet again.

Jamie and Kyle

Brit and Nicole.

Henefir and myself. Can you spot the real Hispanic person? I'll give you a hint. Despite all evidence to the contrary, it's not me.

Me and some of my favorite ladies: Henefir, Nicole, Yanaj, me, Emily.

Me and Nicole. It's not an optical illusion - she really does tower over me, even in my high shoes. Oh to be a long legged gazelle-like creature.

One of my dearest friends, Heather.

Ben and The Emily.

Emily and Henefir.

Eric and Heather.

This is me attempting to read Heather's card and using Brother Bone to translate. Why? Because the card was in Spanish, and also it was a Mother's Day card.

Nicole won the prize for the biggest gift bag.

The best presents are the ones that you can hide behind.Yanaj and Nicole.

The fruits of Nicole's gift bag: The Last Unicorn DVD and my new favorite stuffed animal. Yes, that's a plush unicorn. I named her Precious.

Diving head first into the cake.

Hot, I know. I can't understand why I don't have a boyfriend...

In other news, Rico is getting his racing stripes today!! I haven't been this excited since Friday night when I was opening all my presents!! Pictures definitely to follow.

It's Good To Be Me

Happy Birthday to Me!
Happy Birthday to Me!
Happy Birthday to Meeee-eeeeeeeeee!
Happy Birthday to Me!

I realized that one good thing about turning twenty-six is that I now officially have the right to buy the fun, sporty, completely impractical car of my dreams:

Yes, it's mine. All mine.

I admit, I actually bought the car a week ago. But I thought my birthday would be the perfect time to introduce you to my new true love: Rico. He is everything I've ever wanted, and will soon have personalized license plates and bad ass white racing stripes.

That's right, personalized plates and white racing stripes. It's Rico's way of getting all gussied up.

You'll have to wait for the pictures to see what my plates say, but I'll give you a hint: they don't say MY STANG, as badly as I wanted them to. In the meantime, your challenge is this - guess what the plates say. Winner gets a prize.

In the meantime, happy birthday to me!!!