Thursday, April 24, 2008

Something Might Be Wrong With Me

Last night I was standing in line at Redbox, waiting to return The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford, which only took me four nights to get through. Not because it was bad, but because I'm an old biddy now and I start to drift into a cholesterol-induced sleep immediately after I finish my McNuggets at 10:30 pm.

As I waited for the fourteen-year-olds in front of me to quit giggling and just pick their damn movie already, I looked to the side and watched the kids playing in the indoor play area. I was kind of zoning out when I noticed one, ahem, Hispanic child pointing his play gun at me and making shooting noises. I gave him a fake little smile and chuckle, then looked away. But when I looked back, he was still doing it, only now he had two more little friends pretending to shoot and kill me, and they all had angry looks on their faces.

So I did what any sane, rational person would do. I channeled the essence of my friend Barbie and imitated her classic "Charge the window and shoot em dead with fake pistols brandished while making a 'da DA da DA da DA' war cry."

For those of you who aren't familiar with this move, suffice it to say that in entailed me running towards the window, kicking my legs out to the side as I ran, using my fake hand pistols to jab the air as I yelled 'da DA da DA da DA', all whilst slightly hunched over. Hot, I know.

They scattered, and I walked away smugly, feeling confident I'd made my point.


$teve said...

Awesome. Simply...awesome. Those little Banditos won't be messing with you again, Calamity Bone. :)

Josh and Gloriana said...

this made me laugh so hard! I can totally picture this happening! hahahahaha

Nanette said...

Sounds sane to me. Of course I once started a marshmallow fight at an (up to that point) boring kids birthday party in a public park. The kids thought it was so cool...and then the seagulls started swooping in.

Erin said...

YOU DIDN'T!!!! I can't believe you didn't mention this very important piece of inforamtion at lunch today! For this exact kind of moment is one of the many reasons that I call you my friend.

LecNessMonster said...

I love when I dont read your blog for a few weeks. It's better than Christmas when I finally do.

Wonderful little lyrical presents, all wrapped up in purple & Rocky.

Like, when I'm having a really crappy Monday, and the icing on the cake (I'm not sure if said icing makes my day better or worse?) is when I pee in my office chair when I visualize you doing the da DA da DA run. Literally.

I just peed in my office chair.

Well, it was just a little, not the full bladder-load.

At least I'll be warm for the remaining 56 minutes of my brutal Monday.

Thanks Lady, Love you.