Saturday, October 07, 2006

Leave It To Me

One thing I hear a lot from my friends is, "Something like that would only happen to you." I'm more than happy to once again lend support to their theory.

On Wednesday morning, I was pulling a shirt on over my head and somehow my right arm got stuck and tangled in the sleeve. After a short yet heated struggle, my hand was wrestled free and shot out of the sleeve, punching myself in the chin like King Hippo

Don't ask, because I don't know how it happened either. All I know is that when I came to, I had a bloody lip and a stunned expression on my face. I got myself cleaned up and didn't think much more of it, until I had to convince everyone at work that I wasn't starring in my own Judith Light Lifetime: Television for Women (and Ryan Eichelberger) after-school special. No major damage done, and I was back on track.

I woke up Thursday morning and could barely move my jaw for the excruciating pain on the left side, just below my ear. I manually moved / cracked it around with my hand, figuring that I'd just slept on it wrong. (Yeah...I know. Slept on my jaw wrong? I know. Get off my back, it made sense at 6 A.M.) I didn't think the lockjaw had anything to do with my violent attack on myself from the day before.

After consulting with Bone-in-Law (Bone Senior's hubby/dentist in training), he assured me that I'd probably just strained the Temporo-Mandibular Joint. His advice? You guessed it: take ibuprofen.

Seeing as how this was all starting to sound vaguely familiar, I think you know what came next: surfing the interweb for more info about my condition. Jackpot.

Straining your TMJ is painful. So painful, in fact, that it's best to keep your hair out of your face to avoid any contact with the affected area. Try a super-handy-super-trendy banana clip to sweep hair up and away in a fashionable manner, and don't forget to feather those bangs. Never hang dangly earrings from anywhere other than your ear lobe, as clearly this is only causing more strain. Most importantly, always remain subtly soft and blurry around all your edges.

Many of the websites also recommend that I "relax muscles with moist heat." While this sounds helpful, I personally choose to avoid anything that uses the word moist, unless it is followed by delicious best.

But here it is, four days later, and I'm eating My First Pears baby food out of a jar because my jaw was KO'd out of place by yours truly. Which brings us full circle to the point of this post : something like this would only happen to me.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

No WAY! I have a tattoo that says "My First Pears." What are the odds?!

Andi Mae said...

Try Gerber's Apricots. An all time favorite, yummy!

Erin said...

i would personally try the orange flavor baby food, I tried it the other day when cassie was feeding cameron, plus it makes your breath smell fresh.

li'l mil said...

i say keep poppin' the ibuprofen. also, i told him your jaw was still hurting and he said you might want to consider the surgery he told you about friday :) HA. just kidding. but he did say something, although i can't remember what at the moment. i'm sure it will come to me as soon as i post this, however.

li'l mil said...

nope...i still can't remember. but when i do, you can bet on being the first one i tell :)

Anonymous said...

I don't know Bone Jr., I think George Bush could find a way to get it done too...

Andi Mae said...

So when are you being fit for a catcher's mask?

g said...

did you really knock yourself out? or was that just to inhance the comedic tone of the story? I really hope you did knock yourself out cold- just because it really is more funny that way. I am sorry about your little jaw- maybe a
Ma-ssage from the big T-dog will help it feel happier- lit'rally.

Bone Junior said...

You mean a sensuaaaal jaw MASS-age from a certain someone who knows more about you than me because you're the only thing I could think of to talk about?? Is that the one you mean?

g said...

yes that is who i mean. You need to fill a big box with hand weights and frying pans and random chunks of metal and then call him and say "ummm Big-T? (make sure you use your girliest, helpless voice) I have this big, heavy box over here and just can't seem to move it. Would you mind coming over and using your big, strong, luscious arms that i want to nibble on to move it for me? I'll repay you with a sensual MASS-age and some home baked cookies" And then he will say "yes Bone Jr my love, I will help you. I think you are my eternal companion."

Bone Junior said...

And then I will ask Big-T if I can swing around on his huge arms and if he will let me take a big bite out of them. But probably he will just ask me to tell him more about my friend G, because he can't wait to see how her story ends...