Monday, October 15, 2007

Of All the Times to Think About Chevy Chase

Today I was called in to be part of a meeting that dealt with finances. I thought I could sit there unnoticed, but when they started throwing out percentages and fancy words like "gross profit" and "overhead", I knew I was in over my head. I didn't even know why I was supposed to be there.

I managed to blend in pretty well, pretending to take notes and looking like I was extremely interested in what was being discussed. I was nodding at all the right times and banging my fist on the table with everyone else. I also crossed and uncrossed my legs several times, and observed many important points. These are the things I was thinking about when I was supposed to be paying attention:

1. I was the only female in the room;
2. I was the only person under age 35;
3. I was the only person without a spouse and/or kids;
4. I was the only person who didn't have blue eyes;
5. I was the tannest person in the room;
6. I also had the best legs in the room;
7. And I still had no idea why I was part of this meeting.

I made it about halfway through the meeting before my boss called me out.

Boss: What do you think, Bone Junior?

My eyes flickerd to the white board, which in the last few minutes of my daydreaming had become cluttered with numbers, figures, decimal points and dollar signs. I had no idea what we were talking about.

In that moment, an old SNL skit came to mind - one where Chevy Chase was playing a candidate in a presidential debate, and he was sweating profusely as the host rattled off an elaborate and complicated question. In that moment, the only thing I could think to say was what Chevy Chase said:

Bone Junior: Um, it was my understanding that there would be no math involved...

Blink blink.

It was the longest few seconds of my life as I waited for everyone to catch on that I was trying to be funny, and finally, the conference room erupted in laughter and the discussion moved on to the smarter people as I continued to write "Mrs. Lincoln Burrows" on my notepad.

Score one for The Bone as another bullet is dodged and my facade as a smarty lives on.


$teve said...

When all else fails, throw out a line from Fletch. There's one for every situation.

Andi Mae said...

Then this line comes to mind from the classic Billy Madison:

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point in your rambling incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Ah, for comedic relief. When do you try out for SNL?

li'l mil said...

I guarantee you'll never be asked to another pointless meeting if you show up in your Tinky Winky costume.

photography by Mikki said...

i would have payed big money have been in the room when this happened. My life would be an up-roar of laughter at all times if I was your shadow!