Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Return of Tasty: Part Deux

Thanks in part to the new colon cleanse I'm trying (aptly called "The Royal Flush" apparently because I now spend most of my time perched upon the porcelin throne) I haven't been in the most jovial of moods lately. I've spent most of my time complaining to Bone Senior that I have nothing funny to blog about. Ever the voice of reason, she said, "Not everything you write about has to be funny.... Try writing about the war in Lebanon or something."

So that's what I started out to do - write about something meaningful. But when it came to blogging about Lebanon, all I could come up with was that I like their bologna. So it was a no-go.

Then I started to blog about how I spent the night sandwiched between two boxers, but that sounded way too dirty for this lil' angel, so I nixed that as well. (The boxers, BTW, are Lucy and Rosie, my hairdresser's dogs, as seen stage left.)

Thank goodness for Eagle Eyes Erin, or I'd have nothing to talk about. I received another excited message from her this afternoon... "I found another TASTY!" And that did it. I peed a little as soon as I heard those familiar words, and our recon work began.

New Tasty had been spotted on the very same road as the former Tasty, which happens to go right by my work. On an accessibility scale from 1-10, Erin assured me that New Tasty was about a 9, and wouldn't be hard for us to retrieve. Upon arrival of the rondesvous (I have no idea how to spell that but I hope you get my drift) point, code named "the side of the road by the New Tasty", we saw that maybe the ole snatch-n-grab would be harder than originally thought - for a few reasons.

First, we were pulled over on the side of one of the busiest streets in the area, in daylight.

Second, New Tasty was nailed to a light post stationed on the side of the mountain. The climb up to New Tasty was overgrown with itchy, sticky plants, rocks and gravel. The mountain side was also at least an 70 degree angle.

Third, neither of us had brought our spelunking gear. The fact that we were climbing a mountain and not going into caves has absolutely no bearance on the dilemma that was presented by our lack of spelunking gear. We were, however, wearing flip flops.

Fourth, I am not now, nor have I ever been, tall enough to actually reach any of the Tasties. Hence the need for spelunking gear. (Just go with me on this one.) In the absence of spelunking gear, an Erin or a Janay will do just fine.

After assessing the situation, Erin and I gracefully scrambled, clawed, pulled, and crawled our way up the mountain. It took Erin all of two seconds to gently rip New Tasty from his pole, whereupon we discovered something new - New Tasty was nailed to a smaller piece of wood, which had "Tasty Loser" written on it..... a new clue?

Here you can see the up-close detail of New Tasty. This one is personally my favorite because of the use of purple. But New Tasty doesn't get us any closer to solving the overall mystery. There are the same markings though - the trademark symbol, the random number, the diseased eye (what is with this guy and eye gunk?), the five o'clock shadow (is Tasty homeless and can't afford a razor?), the oddly spelled word ("chaire" in this case), and the strangely dramatic phrase ("cruel fate").

Tasty sounds like he's taking a turn for the dark and dramatic side. I supposed I'd be depressed too if I always had gross oozy gunk seeping from my eye.

10 comments:

Stupidramblings said...

I can't help but think the 'chaire' word could be purposefully ambiguously written. I thought it said 'choice' at first, maybe it says 'chaise' instead. I suppose it doesn't matter, but I thought I'd say it...

Bone Junior said...

You may be on to something here... perhaps Tasty is really just looking for some nice patio furniture?

The Rules said...

I personally like the small and quite pointy Adam's apple.

You need to gather the Tasties and have them framed and hung in close proximity, Andy Warhol style. That would be neat!

barb said...

At first I thought the adam's apple was gone, and that perhaps tasty was undergoing some kind of gender reconstruction hormone therapy. Then I noticed the teeny one under the chin.

I'm sticking to my old theory that the Tasties somehow lead the way to underground rave parties.

Bone Junior said...

UPDATE: I brought New Tasty with me to work today, and the consensus seems to be that the word is "choice"....any thoughts?
And I have big plans for framing and hanging them in a very artsy-fartsy way.

barb said...

i also think it says "choice". do you think it's talking about homosex-shiles?

Bone Junior said...

It might be about homosexshiles - but get this - a guy at my work who grew up here said that he thinks the Tasties really are for some kind of dance parties. i'll find out more info on monday, but this is an exciting lead! And barbie may have been right all along...

The Rules said...

Said the befuddled rave organizer: "Why the hoo-ha are there like, seven people here? This party was supposed to be huge! I even put a Tasty in the canyon!"

Bone Junior said...

Replied the crazed raver: "At least we have plenty of pacifiers and glowsticks for us!"

Andi Mae said...

Upon first reading, I also thought it was "choice". Then I saw there were 9 comments and realized I was not the first to think this. E for effort, right?