Monday, November 27, 2006

Everybody Has Their Limit

I got so sick of coming in Monday mornings and seeing this...



...that I finally snapped and left the supers a message of my own:




In other news, as I sit here writing this, Feliz Navidad is playing on the radio. Please hold while I go get my screwdriver back...

In other other news, I had a breakthrough this weekend with the huge bald guy with biceps as big as my head. I actually came within six inches of his huge body without experiencing verbal diarrhea like I did the only other time I spoke to him. Except this time, I didn't exactly speak to him. Let me start from the beginning.

My good friend G was in town this weekend, and after my 3:30 A.M. wake-up call on Black Friday - yes, I'm one of those people - I was looking forward to some fun with G. It also meant that I was finally going to see Casino Royale. We were both so enamored with Daniel Craig that we'd promised to wait to see it until she was here. And I'll be honest, I really only wanted to see it because of Daniel Craig - I've never seen a single James Bond movie in my life (I know, I know, the shame! Get off my back.)

And it was everything I'd hoped it would be. G and I were on the edge of our seats, trading dirty one-liners about how hot he was. Ok really it was just me making dirty one-liners about how hot he was, but still. Can you blame me? Tell me you wouldn't slam him like a car door.

Upon leaving the theater, I saw something straight ahead that made me shake with more excitement than the Rocky Balboa trailer...huge bald guy with biceps as big as my head dead ahead. Now, G is fully aware of my crush as I've been talking to her about it for two months now. My biggest hope was that while she was in town, she'd get to see the back of his head at church on Sunday, but we hit the jackpot.

There he was right in front of us, and I did the only thing any normal person would do when they are face to face with their crush: I screamed, "There's hugebaldguywithbicepsasbigasmyhead!!" then threw G's body in front of me to shield myself from his radiating hotness. Lit'rally. Screamed, then threw her body in front of me. Not to mention the shaking and sweating. What can I say, I'm not one to make a scene or draw attention to myself.

My only saving grace was that there was a big crowd of people and maybe there's some chance that he didn't hear me shriek his name. G says that he didn't turn around, but she could have been so startled and panicked by my outburst that she wasn't observing clearly. Who knows.

What we do know is this: he was waiting outside the bathrooms for a girl, and we ended up walking in front of them in the parking lot, purposely quiet in an effort to hear their conversation and determine the status of the date. Our silence was working well until a chubby kid in a windbreaker suit ran past us, swish swish swishing to catch up to his friends and we couldn't contain ourselves anymore.

We laughed ourselves into a coughing fit in the car. At the risk of bringing more shame and embarassment to myself, that's where the story ends. Suffice it to say that neither G nor I have a very promising future in espionage.

I will, however, proudly invite further shame and embarassment upon myself when I say that I am SO excited to see Rocky Balboa. The theatrical trailer gave me goosebumps, and I'm counting down the days to December 22. I very nearly shook the popcorn out of G's hand when the trailer came on. Even better, I'll be in Philadelphia to see the opening with my Elvis Week BFF, and I couldn't be more excited.

As G and everyone else points out, yes Sylvester Stallone is old and looks like he's had a brow lift; yes he should've gracefully bowed out with Rocky 4; yes I kind of get retarded tingles when I see the trailer, and yes the entire theater was laughing, but none of that matters to me. Show me another 60-year-old man with a six pack like Stallone's, willing to take his shirt off for half the movie. I don't care what everyone else says, I can't wait to see this movie. Or Rambo IV in 2008.

Feliz Navidad total: 12
Rocky Balboa Countdown: 25 days

16 comments:

Jen said...

You kill me!! I love that I get to hear these fabulous stories every day at work. My favorite line of today's post is, "Tell me you wouldn't slam him like a car door". How true it is!

g said...

ahh bone jr- when i woke up this morning- i thought- was it all a dream? Did we REALLY stalk him like that? Then I felt my sore throat which I aquired whilst screaming and laughing and remembered that yes- it was all true. And I once again got RT's for myself. I seriously miss you already- ps: I am glad that you did not reveal the whole truth about that night- it would just be too shameful for me. Thank you for your discretion. Much love- 007 Jr.

g said...

pps: Did I spell stalk right? Stawk? Stallk? Stawck?

Bone Junior said...

Um, let's not be throwing around words like "stalk", shall we? (nervous laughter)

g said...

Also- the screwdriver in the paper doll made me pee myself a little- And what's with the spider drawings? I am not really seeing the connection between the Eagles and the spiders.

Bone Junior said...

I haven't blogged about how the supers love to hide fake spiders around my desk. I was literally in tears when I found one last week. And they're all Redskins fans, so anytime the Eagles lose, I come in to a monitor covered in sticky notes.

Anonymous said...

Damn you Private Selection. Damn you to hell.

Bone Junior said...

Private selection? Is that one of those buyers-direct pyramid scheme things?

Anonymous said...

thats the brand of the tissue

Anonymous said...

oh wait. i thought that was the name of the wind suits that you hate. strike that comment. reverse it.

i meant- Damn you Members Only. Damn you to hell.

it's not as funny when you have to correct yourself is it?

Anonymous said...

That screwdriver is multifunctional, no?

Bone Junior said...

Bonus points to Andi Mae for noticing the versatility in my car starter kit.

boyestown said...

you girls really should have your own TV show....

Anonymous said...

Let me clarify the Private Selection dilemma for you. G can verify this. Private Selection manufactures the BEST Cookies and Cream ice cream known to man, with whole Oreos. REAL Oreos, not the fake kind. Said ice cream may be purchased at the fine grocer's market Kroger, or for those in the mountain west, good ol' Smith's.

g said...

It really is the best Oreo ice cream ever. I wonder if they have it in California? Cause right about now- I need me some Oreo lovin'

g said...

also wasn't it premium selection? Not private selection- unless that was the joke and I am dumb.