Monday, March 14, 2011

Roller Derby: Week 10 Festivities; or, How Come My Face Never Looks Normal

This week was full of derby fun, besides just scrimmaging on Thursday night. I can't believe we're almost done this session - only two more practices before the big scrimmage. I'm still debating if I'm ready to have people from my "real life" see me floundering around the track.

The weekend started with an Irish crafting party to get ready for the St. Patrick's Day parade on Saturday. About half a dozen Red Rockettes got together to make flags, posters and decorations.
I brought gigantic glasses from the dollar store. As I would soon come to find out, this was the most normal picture taken of me from the weekend: Saturday morning was the parade, and we had a blast. I opted to walk and not skate, given that I have a hard enough time staying up on flat, smooth concrete, let alone bumpy, hilly, cobble-stoney streets. There were about six of us on foot, and the rest on skates. We had a great turnout, and even had our own photographers. Two Rockette's have significant others who come to practices and events, and they take awesome pictures. The memories we are making are forever captured.

Which brings me to my point: how come my face never looks normal? Let's see a few examples of what a derby girl should look like in pictures, or as I like to call it, "Derby Done Right":

Look at them. Gorgeous, smiling, awesome makeup, awesome clothes and decor. I love these pictures and I love these girls. That's the way it should look.

Then there's me. Brace yourselves, folks, cause it's about to get the opposite of photogenic, or as I like to call it, "Bone Done Wrong":
Exhibit A: There's me, behind England's antennae / helmet flag. I should've taken a lesson from this and held a flag in front of my face for the whole parade; but then I wouldn't have these gems to share with you.

Exhibit B: There's me, making a stupid face in the background.
Exhibit C: Here I am again, doing who knows what. I'll tell you what I'm not doing: watching where I'm walking to avoid the upcoming horse poop, that's what.

Exhibit D: Here I am once again, making a stupid face.

Exhibit F: This is such an awesome picture of England going down the hill - look how much fun she's having! Look at her amazing stance! And then there's me in the back, running down the hill. Running. Nothing good ever came of the words "Bone Junior" and "running" in the same sentence.
Exhibit G: I don't even have any words for this one.

Exhibit H: And I don't have any excuse for this one. I knew the picture was being taken, I had the chance to pose and prepare myself, and this is what I chose to do.

And I rest my case.

Based on these pictures, I have been able to make the following assumptions:

A) I pretty much never stop talking, as most of these shots are mid-talking. At least I hope they are, otherwise I have no idea how or why my mouth looks like that;

B) I need to learn to be aware of when my picture is being taken;

C) I am extremely lucky to be part of a group that allows me to show my true colors.


em said...

I shouldn't have looked at this right after my ab workout--I'm getting cramps from laughing so hard!!

Exhibit D is by far my favorite. I'm sure you were telling some awesome Bone story that only you can tell and had just gotten to the dramatic part. Such passion, such brow furrowing! It's inspiring.

IndyGo Wylde said...

Bone, you make me smile. Check out some of the "confused hippo" pictures of me. You are beautiful, even mid sentence. Love your guts!