Get Boned, You Know You Want To

Sometimes I get comments on my blog from "Anonymous". They're usually completely ridiculous and written in wing-dings, and they get promptly deleted. But every once in a while, a traysured comment comes through from a complete stranger, and it just warms my heart on so many levels. I'll get back to this, but it brings me to another traysured moment that I recently experienced.

Let's start with the fact that I am a shameless blog-stalker. One blog leads to another, leads to another, and then I'm hooked reading about people that I have never met, and completely wrapped up in their lives, thousands of miles away. I know they're real people, but it's more like they're "real blog people", in that I will most likely never meet them for realz. They exist on a totally different level of reality.

My blog world and my real world seldom crossed paths. Until one night, I was standing in the movie theater lobby and I spotted someone standing in line. I squinted and scrutinized: sassy chic hair, check; super cute trendy winter coat, check; pregnant belly, check...could it really be? Was this the actual human manifestation of a gal I'd been blog stalking for like five years?

Once she stepped out of line, I totally accosted her (much like I did to the Situation at the AMAs) (yes I'm still shameless), and I ran up to her and totally weirded her out by saying, "Hi...um...I know this will sound totally stalkerish...but...are you Cicada Song? THE Cicada Song?"

There was a moment of pause in which my heart literally froze and I felt terrified that I'd just bumrushed a complete stranger and who would now ask security to escort me out. But instead, this genuine hero of mine responded with, "Are YOU Bone Junior? Can I hug you?!?"

My jaw hit the floor and I gave her a huge hug while I gushed about how much I loved her blog, that I'd been stalking her for like five years, and how amazing it was to discover that she's actually a REAL person. And to top it all off? SHE KNEW WHO I WAS TOO! It was the closest I've ever felt to being a celebrity. I felt incredibly special. This gal, who I followed from late 20's singlehood, to dating, to marriage, and babies and success, whom I idolize and inspires me? She knew my name. Nothing is cooler than that.

Which brings me back to comments. I recently got one from a total stranger, and it actually wasn't in wing dings or trying to sell me weiner enhancements!

Bone Junior, I have a dream of breaking my assbones and bruising my shins. Well actually I have done both of these things...several times in fact. But not on skates! Would you have any information for would-be derby noobs like me in the Utah county area? I have no illusions of being any good at this and am quite certain my future in the derby world amounts to a grease spot on the bottom of someone's skate, but like my brief and spectacularly unsuccessful career as a day care lunch lady, it's something I have to try at least once. -Cyndi

Well Cyndi, I'm glad you asked! I know I've posted this about a bazillion times on Facebook, but apparently there are blog people who want to be in the know about roller derby! So here goes my shameless plug for the Red Rockettes, straight from our fearless leader, England's Glory:

The Red Rockettes Recreational Roller Derby League will start their third 12-week session on Thursday, April 7th. The league is Salt Lake's newest and puts the emphasis on fitness, health and developing supportive female friendships through the game of roller derby. Full training will be given for all abilities. The group will be broken into two groups for half of the night according to whether skaters are beginner or veteran. The league aims to be a place where beginners can learn the sport of roller derby (as all minimum skills will be taught) and veterans can improve their skating and scrimmaging skills.

The course will run every Thursday evening at the Derby Depot (WRD warehouse) which is located at 1415 S. 700 W. #17. We practice from 7:30 PM - 9:30 PM. The course runs for 12 weeks and costs $60. Skaters need to provide all equipment, skates, helmet, knee, elbow, wrist pads, and mouth guard. WFTDA insurance is required and costs $50 per year.

We often get asked about where to get equipment, there are many options out there. If you feel that derby is going to be a long term interest I would recommend buying good quality skates ($200+). If you have limited funds you can also get 'rookie packages' from most online stores (they come with pretty basic skates which you may need to upgrade later). They run at about $200 for everything you need. Try sincityskates.com and lowpriceskates.com. Locally Hollywood Connection has some skates, wheels, pads etc. Skate Now at 2682 S. Highland Dr. STE 104. can special order skates. In Ogden, the Flat Track Skate Shack 1805 W. 1950 S. West Haven, is a derby specialist shop.

Please contact redrockettes@rocketmail.com or on Facebook at Red Rockettes.

And make sure you say you want to get Boned. Trust me, you do.