Tuesday, October 19, 2010

How to Pull Off the Greatest Prank Ever

Setting: Road trip to Las Vegas for Lady's Birthday Weekend Extravaganza

Location: About 50 yards off random frontage road in the desert

Coordinators: Bone Junior and Gina

Materials Needed:
- Flashlight
- Shovel
- Gloves
- Black trash bag
- Duct tape
- Metal detector
- Elvis torso
- Two friends from Philadelphia (Lady and Fred) who have never seen the actual desert, and who want to go treasure hunting

Prep Time: About thirty minutes.

Actual Prank Time: About ten minutes, plus drive time.

Payoff: Priceless

Phase One: The Setup

1. Strap in creepy Elvis torso for the ride.

2. Drive towards Vegas.

3. About ten miles outside the strip, choose a random frontage exit that looks remote enough to make it feel like you're actually in the desert, but not so remote that you feel like you might actually get chopped up and buried out there.

4. Make ready the materials.

5. Put Elvis in the trash bag.

6. Wrap duct tape around his neck and torso.
7. Rip a hole in the top of the trash bag and pull some of Elvis' hair through it.

8. Stumble through broken glass, tumbleweeds, and pricker bushes, testing the ground with the shovel, until you find a suitable spot to dig.

9. Start digging until you hit bedrock about two inches down, then move to another spot.

10. Repeat steps 8-9.

11. Finally resort to more or less covering Elvis with rocks and dirt, convincing yourself that it totally blends in with the rest of the desert. And it kind of does.

12. Test the metal detector to make sure you can find Elvis again.

Phase Two: The Build Up

1. Spend the next two days talking to Fred and Lady about how much fun it will be to go treasure hunting in the desert.

2. Continue insisting that it really will be fun.

3. Seriously Fred, I don't care how tired you are, we're going out to the freaking desert.

4. Don't take no for an answer.

Phase Three: The Payoff

1. Drive back to random frontage exit that looks remote enough to make it feel like you're actually in the desert, but not so remote that you feel like you might actually get chopped up and buried out there.

2. Spend a few minutes nonchalantly moseying around, waving the metal detector around in the manner of a treasure hunter.

3. Gradually nonchalantly mosey your way over to the burial site.

4. When the metal detector starts going crazy, jump around excitedly and insist that Fred start digging.

5. Maniacally giggle to yourself as Fred jumps on board, shouting, "This could really BE something!"

6. As Fred uncovers a garbage bag and tuft of hair, start to freak out. Also, start filming.

7. Continue to freak out as more of the torso gets unearthed. Then start to feel bad / laugh when Lady starts to really freak out- pacing nervously and declaring, "WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW! WE ARE GOING TO GET MURDERED! LOOK AT MY EYE! LOOK AT MY NERVOUS EYE! MY NERVOUS EYE IS WATERING! WE NEED TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW!"

8. Laugh so hard that you start crying when Lady and Fred slowly start to realize that this is not, in fact, an actual dead body.

9. Apologize profusely to Lady, who is still shaking like a leaf. But don't really be sorry, because you just pulled off The Greatest Prank Ever. And you have the video to prove it.


Jackie said...

It's like you're an evil genius, and I totally respect that.

LecNessMonster said...

This WAS. By FAR. The hardest I've EVER been pranked.

Since that fateful day, my eye waters at the slightest startle. I'm still waiting for it to return to normal.

Congratulations to you, and thanks for the memories.

For the record, I honestly thought Elvis was a Mexican drug mule gone awol.

LecNessMonster said...

Annnnnnd I just looked at a map and realized how far we actually were from the Mexican border. Damn my ill-prepared geographical knowledge.

li'l mil said...

Couldn't you also file this under "How Bone Junior Does Classy"? :)

I'm sure I would have peed my pants no less than three times if I'd been there with you. Nicely done.

Gina said...

I was laughing so hard I had an issue with bladder control...

I'll let you know when I post my pics because I got so other views of dropped jaws at the initial unearthing.

Definitely a joke I won't forget.

Tiffany Sommer said...

wish i could have been there - SO awesome!

Tiffany Sommer said...

So awesome! wish i could have been there!

Mary Jane Smith said...

Just when I think I couldn't love you any more, you go and prove me wrong. You are hilarious.