Can I Just Vent For a Minute?

There are times when I go weeks without blogging because nothing happens that I feel is funny enough to blog about. I feel like my blog should only have witty stories, or that no one would want to read anything from debbie downer. I feel like I'm expected to always be upbeat and humorous.

But tonight, I am debbie downer, and I just need to bitch a little, so bear with me.

I realize that most of the people who read my blog are my friends, or they read it because it makes them laugh, and there are people who I don't even know that read it and maybe they think hey, this girl is pretty kick ass. But I also realize that there are people who read my blog because they like to make fun or me, or tear me down, or talk about me in their circles of friends. There are people who take any cheap shot they can get, and they use my blog as a way to make themselves feel better because ... that's just what they do. Like my ass-hat ex-boyfriend who so bravely commented "anonymously" that I should have gotten liposuction instead of getting a boob job. You know, high caliber people like that. Haters.

Those Haters will probably revel in this post and use it as one more example for them to prove that their better than me, happier than me, prettier than me, thinner than me, on and on and on...the truth of the matter is that Haters will always find a reason to hate, and I revel in the fact that I've never stooped to their level.

But I also realized that I've held back from blogging a lot of things out of fear of the Haters. Fear that they'd find one more thing to make fun of, one more piece of evidence to support their belief that they're better than me, or to add one more tally mark to their count of how pathetic I am.

Here's the truth: I'm human too. I have bad days, I have good days, I have really bad days, and I have batshit crazy moments. I have ups and downs and funny stories and sad stories, and I only ever blog about the good stuff because I don't want to give the Haters any more ammo against me.

And then tonight I thought, why do I care? Why do the opinions of a handful of people bother me to the point where I'm not able to be my true self on my own blog? By allowing them to censor me, I'm only empowering them further.

No more.

I am who I am, and you can take me or leave me. If you don't like me, stop reading my blog. Stop checking every day to see if there's something you can make fun of, because guess what: I make fun of MYSELF way more than you ever can. The difference is that I'm not doing it out of spite or hate. I laugh at myself because sometimes that's the only way to get through life. I'd rather laugh my way through my miserable life than tear someone else down to make myself feel better.

So Haters, go ahead and scoff at my pictures, call me fat and ugly and whatever else makes you feel better. Because your opinions do not dictate how I live my life, and certainly do not dictate how I feel about myself.

There will always be people that don't like me - that's a fact, and that's just the way it is. There will always be people who think my blog is stupid, who think I'm lame, and who will tear me down because really, they are miserable. And I feel sorry for them, because sure, there are people I don't like, but I don't pick apart their faults and tear them down just to make myself feel better. I recognize that if I'm not happy with myself, then ripping someone else apart isn't going to make a bit of difference.

Things have been hard for me, and I'm sure the Haters will love to hear that. But that's the absolute truth. Through this hard time, I've accepted the realization that I cannot change other people. All I can change is how I react to them. Change myself, change MY attitude and perception, and maybe the Haters will no longer affect me.

So that's my conscious decision. Hate all you want, gossip all you want, nit pick and tear me down - it's all on you, because I choose to no longer allow your negativity to bring me down.

Please consider this my double-fingered crotch-check, my final farewell to fear and haters. Enjoy the view.