Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Most of the Time, I'm Embarrassed for Myself

Although it pains me to admit this...yes, I did attend a midnight screening of "New Moon" last Thursday.

I know, I know.

I've never gotten into the whole Twilight thing. I started to read the book a few years ago and got bored, so I never finished. I did see the first movie and spent most of the time being bugged about how much Kristen Stewart tucks her hair behind her ear. Maybe that's part of her character? I don't know, I just found it distracting. That and how she always looks half baked.

So I got invited to go with a big group of women for this midnight screening. They seated us in the theater around 10:30 and started raffling off all these prizes. First of all, I have never seen so many Bump-Its in one place before. It was like their mecca. I was fascinated. Second of all, pretty much everything being raffled off had to do with scrapbooking, so I was automatically not interested. But I decided that if I happened to win, I'd make the most of it. And every time I lost, I made the most of it too, by letting out loud, disgusted groans every time they called a number that wasn't mine. I'm such an awesome sore loser.

So when they called my ticket number, I'm not joking when I tell you that I screamed, whooped, jumped up and down, and ran down front as if I'd just been called down to The Price is Right. The only thing missing was an airbrushed "I Heart Bob Barker" tshirt. It was a nice change of pace from the other winners who simply raised their hands when they won. I won some kind of canvas ribbon organizer box thingy, which I promptly passed along to my roommate.

As for the rest of the movie experience? I have to quote the words of my favorite author, Jen Lancaster, who had an identical experience to mine:

"The second the movie started, the theater went quiet. No, scratch that - dead silent. I've never been in such a crowded place with so little noise. People weren't even shifting around in their seats. No one was pulling out cell phones to text message, nor was anyone whispering amongst themselves. I'm talking utter, rapt, undivided attention.

Which made it all the more obvious when the entire audience gasped as Taylor Lautner removed his shirt.

Which then made the entire audience laugh in embarrassment, and suddenly every Cougar for Cullen in that room started doing the kind of math that does not lead to any answer other than shame and possible jail time. The great irony is when Robert Pattinson went shirtless later in the film, the audience didn't let out a peep. You, with the pasty English belly - out of the way for the werewolf!"

The only thing that seemed to set my night apart from hers was the fact that right in the middle of a tender, emotional scene, someone in the theater busted ass SO LOUD that the entire audience started laughing. For about a minute. I, on the other hand, giggled into my hands for about ten minutes.

Because I'm just immature like that.


andi said...

HA! C'mon, couldn't you have used the organizer for all your EFY bracelets? Oh wait, that's not you, either. At least nobody put their feet on the seat in front of them... ;o)

andi said...

Oh, and Adam and I are having a dispute that we need you to clarify:

I claim "busting ass" means breaking wind.

He claims it is falling.

Please help and settle our marital discord.

Bone Junior said...

Busting ass = big tuba baroom fart.

li'l mil said...

It's okay to admit that you were the one who farted. No shame in it. Well, there's a little shame, but if you're already embarrassed for yourself, one more admission won't hurt :)

And I have to know: did you wear a "Team Edward" or a "Team Jacob" tshirt?

barb said...

i wish i had been there.