Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Operation: Save Samuel

There are three things I love: surprises, practical jokes, and my car. When I went out to my car at lunch, I realized that someone had managed to combine all three. The following letter was left on my windshield:

Ransom Note

To whom it may concern:

I have your beloved Samuel...

He is being treated nicely well, now that we have broken his spirit...(he is healing quite nicely).

He will be returned to you once you have met our demands:

- $3,849.96 in unmarked bills and / or coins (or a can of Western Family Toffee Peanuts and a 32 oz. Diet Pepsi, you choose)

- To be delivered at 9:00 am Thursday morning

- To be left in a brown paper bag (not plastic, they are filling up our landfills) under the tree on the north side of the north entrance to the Canyon River Office Building

- Take your cell phone with you. As soon as the delivery has been made you will receive a phone call telling you what to do from there.

Once these demands have been met, you will be instructed on where you can reunite with your creepy friend. Failure to execute these simple tasks will result in the untimely death and disappearance of Samuel...or I'll just cut his hair off.

Yours truly,

Noneofyourbusinesssssssssssss


So. We have a conundrum. Vote to tell me what I should do!


8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pay the ransom...don't mess around with these guys. It could be very dangerous. You can't outsmart them....PAY THE RANSOM!!!!

aubrey said...

I happen to know cops. some hotter than others.

Let me know if you want me to hook a sista up.

andi said...

Our dear, sweet Samuel!! He must be terrified. (You could always pay the ransom and taint the contents...)

li'l mil said...

"All of the above" wasn't an option. Neither was "Pay the ransom in Sarah is da bomb.com dollas" (which are equal to $1.74 US dollars). So I picked the next best thing. I think.

Anonymous said...

SUCKA....
I would have given him back anyway, he creeps me OUT!!!

Em and Jer said...

I am glad you finally rescued him from my droor!

Anonymous said...

What happened? I want the end of the story.
Sincerely yours, Leather in the Bullpen

Anonymous said...

More posts Bone Junior! I am getting bored here in Philly. What happened to Samuel???