Wednesday, May 20, 2009

In Your Face, Lady Doctor

So it's that time of year again...time to visit the Lady Doctor. It was this time last year when My Lady Doctor made the comment that broke the camel's back and sealed the deal on my decision to get new bazoombas.

Don't remember that story? Allow me to refresh you. I laid on the table for the breast exam, closed my eyes and opened my robe, as per usual; when My New (at that time) Lady Doctor exclaimed, "Oh! It's a good thing you have such small breasts! It makes my job so much easier!"

Fast forward to the present, and I have a whole new story for you.

Usually when I visit the Lady Doctor, I wrap that tiny paper robe / lap cover around me as tight as I possibly can, which usually results in several rips and tears in unflattering places. I try to cover every inch of my body, especially my tiny boobs. I was more comfortable unveiling my downtown bonanza than my boobs, so when the time came for the breast exam, I closed my eyes and made a sad sighing sound, never making eye contact with the doctor. It was the most mortifying two minutes of the year for me.

THIS year, I didn't even try to tie the robe closed. When the Lady Doctor came in, she asked how I'd been since last year, and I said, "Well! Remember how last year you told me that it was a good thing my breasts were so small??"

And then, in the fashion of My Big Fat Greek Wedding - you know, the part when the sister unveils her bridesmaid dress and whips her coat open with a flourish and everyone gasps? Yeah; that was me. Except I was whipping open a paper robe and unveiling ginormous bazoombas instead of a bridesmaid dress. I may have even punctuated it with a "Wah-POW!" noise, I'm not sure. In any case, Lady Doctor's eyes got wide and she nodded in approval, "Nice!"

The rest of the appointment was pretty uneventful, because really, where do you go after a show like that? I think I made my point.


li'l mil said...

Oh, I don't know. A shuffle off to Buffalo would've been a nice touch.

li'l mil said...

Also, the mere title of your post slays me. I mean, what DOESN'T the Lady Doctor get in her face??

$teve said...

Note to self: Become lady doctor, make demeaning comments...and wait one year. You won't be disappointed. Good things will happen. Very, VERY good things. :)

Jen said...

oh you kill me!! i miss hearing all your stories in person.