In My Face

So I guess you're tired of watching me and Zac doing the dance of love...

I steal most of my good lines from the tv show Scrubs. In your endo, the moth joke, etc. One of my favorites is the number one best comeback of all time: "So's your face." I say it to almost everything, especially when it doesn't make sense.

When the accountant told me that my budget was off? "So's your face."

When the excavator said that the house we're working on is ugly and lopsided? "So's your face."

When the superintendent texted me that he saw me staring at my own boobs? "So's your face."

After delivering all these primo insults, I was a little taken aback when the Spanish-speaking tile guy (who last week, when he asked if I was Mexican and I said no; then asked if my mother was Mexican) used my own line against me.

Bone Junior: The tile in the kitchen looks really good.

Tile Guy: So's your face.

Bone Junior: Blink blink. Um, what?

Tile Guy: Your face looks good.

Bone Junior: I don't speak Spanish...

And that's how well I take a compliment.

In the Meantime

As much as it shames me to admit it, I'm so gay for Zac Effron. But my heart belongs to Batman. And apparently I'm twelve.

Please to enjoy.

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A Physics Equation

Super sweet Mustang + 80 mph + giant rubber tire in the middle of the freeway =

And the correct answer is: cracked & scratched bumper, busted AC condenser, dented radiator, broken scratch guard, broken fuel line clips, and the grand finale - lower grill completely gone.

Total damage = $1,113.51

I am so glad I didn't pay to have my bumper fixed when that sweeper attachment jumped out in front of me...

The only thing that made me feel better was when I was leaning across the table to help a 3-year-old girl color, and she exclaimed, "Hey! Dem your boobies!"

Yes they are, sweet child. Yes, they are.

Thanks, Dad.

Last night, I was talking on the phone to my dad, when he felt the need crack open an egg of wisdom over my head.

Bone Daddy: Dear, if you want to get married, you have to do two things. First, stop being such a wise ass; and second, stop being so flip. Those things can be intimidating.

Bone Junior: Really? Because I happen to find those qualities quite endearing.

First of all, I don't even know what it means to be 'flip'. Then again, this is coming from the same man who on the night of my senior prom, told me I looked 'very sharp.'

And here I thought I wasn't married because I don't cook. Thank goodness for the wisdom of fathers.

In Your Face, Hizznizzle

Today I found an article on MSN that ranked the ten best fan bases in the NFL. Hizznizzle, and all Cowboys fans, please to enjoy the results.

#10 - Dallas Cowboys

This fan base, which was really a bunch of bandwagon jumpers during the Aikman-Irvin-Emmitt dynasty, transformed into diehards. With fans in every city, "America's Team" has become wildly popular. Simple folks flock to the star and seem to be enamored with it, but the rules about cheering for a team you have no connection with is still a violation.

#9 - Chicago Bears

Where else can you not put any kind of offensive threat on the field for 20-some years and still have a packed stadium every season? Bears fans come out regardless of the terrible management keeps rolling out players such as Grossman, Orton, Griese, Benson, Salaam, Enis, etc.

And the number one fan base in the NFL IS.....

#1 - Philadelphia Eagles

Some might call this biased, but the most passionate fans in all of sports are without question Philadelphia Eagles fans. They're cold-blooded and probably give KC a run for their money as being the loudest. They are by far the most knowledgeable fans in the league, and invented the perfect "boo." What cemented Philadelphia fans' reputation as the most amoral, loathsome collection in sports is famously called The Booing of Santa Claus. You would boo and throw snow balls too if Santa came out drunk in a half-done costume. Eagles' fans must deal with sports owners whose actions have not produced a champion in 25 years. The Eagles haven't hoisted a championship flag in 48 years, but the waiting list for season tickets is so long that you could sell out three stadiums full of Eagles fans for games.And this is where my gloating begins - it's officially football season!!