Tuesday, June 03, 2008

That Shirt Just Paid For Itself...And A Restraining Order

Here's how it happened: My friends convinced me to buy a hot pink top. Let me clarify: a hot pink, short sleeved, cropped jacket with lapels and everything. For those of you unfamiliar with myself, I rarely wear anything other than black, and I never ever have worn a cropped jacket with lapels and everything.

So, the hot pink top. I wore it, got flagged down by a guy on a bullet bike who asked for my number and said he'd take me for a ride. Sold. Mostly because he looked cute - at least, the part around his eyes looked cute because he didn't take his helmet off. Then I remembered that any guy in either a helmet, baseball hat, or sunglasses looks cute. It's the trifecta of good looks tom foolery.

I totally got picked up by a complete stranger who liked my car and I liked his bike. Except I didn't know what his face looked like, so when he called me that night to go for a ride, I was a little nervous. I met him at a gas station and was relieved that when he pulled off his helmet and he looked OK. He wasn't bad looking at all, he just wasn't my type. [Read: huge bald guys with biceps as big as my head.]

He took me for a ride on his R6 and he smelled really good, but I thought I was going to die. It wasn't until later that I found out he'd been going 120 MPH on the freeway with me on the back. And also that he was Mexican. Lit'rally.

After about an hour of riding, I knew it was time for me to go because my butt and thighs had fallen asleep and my back and neck were kinked from being hunched over. He took me back to my car, and up until that point, I thought to myself, "This guy's OK...I should spend more time with him before ruling him out. I'd go out with him again."

Then I got home and he started texting me. And as I read the texts to my roommates, I knew I'd never want to hang out with him again.

I think ur really cute, I would love to keep hanging out with u, and date u and maybe become more than friends with you, I don't think u think the same though.

Ick. Shudder. I can't stand when people write "ur" or "u" or "2 cool 2 b 4 got 10". It gives me the retarded tingles. But it didn't stop there. After I didn't respond to his first charming text, he spent the rest of the night sending me the following messages:

So, is that ur answer to what I said? Lol.

What's ur answer to the first text, I sent though? I am confused, did u get it? Or do I have 2 say it in a different way? lol.

Hopefully we can get to know each other better so it can go somewhere, what r u doig tomorrow?

Would you b down to watch a movie?

N e way goodnight sexy.

You guys. Ew. Ew. N e way??? Really?? It was all just...wrong. I just don't even have time to tell you all the things wrong with this situation. And to think it all started so well, but at least I got a free near-death experience out of it, right? And a huge boost to my ego.

There was only one thing I could do to erase the stench of his poor texting etiquette: count down the minutes to ten o'clock this morning and buy my New Kids on the Block tickets.

The New Kids always make me feel better, but I don't know if I'm going to wear that hot pink top again.


amcurtis77 said...

UR 2 FUN E 2 B 4GOT 10, LOL

Seriously, you crack me up. So you never even once texted the guy back? You totally shined him on? One word, AMAZING.

li'l mil said...

I think you should give this guy a chance. Or better yet, multiple chances.

Just make sure you wear that exact same hot pink shirt outfit EVERY single time you go out with him.

And ask him to take you on that exact same motorcycle ride EVERY single time he asks you what you want to do tonight.

And tell him your name is Mo' Nique. Because that would look awesome in all his text messages.

HPLuvr said...

Luv that the "re-t-R-ded" tingles only go off 4 the texting...not the NKOTB :) Did u get the tickets?

LecNessMonster said...

Do you have his name? I hope its something true to his culture, like 'Jesus'.

If his name was Jesus, I would make you continue going out with him.


Dually, if you know his name, we could find him on a social networking site.

I think you should give it another chance, Lady. He could teach you some sweet time saving skills henceforth referred to as a textual revolution.


Bone Junior said...

Lady, I shudder to admit that in the course of our ride, he DID ask me about a certain social network...

Andi Mae said...

Just text him, "Stay sweet. Have a nice summer." Then change your phone number.

$teve said...

I get the 'tard tingles when people use that stuff too. Especially adults. Now, I'll admit to using UR and stuff like that...but only when I have to...because my POS phone only allows 160 characters...and I've got a lot to say. I think you're better off without him...and at least he was good for a ride that made your thighs a little sore afterwards. :)