Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Quirks! Quirks! He's Our Man! If He Can't Do It, No One Can!

Yee haw! Let's jump on the bandwagon and explore The Quirks That Are Bone Junior:

- Every time (and I mean every time) I go out to my car, before its actually in my sight, I mentally rehearse what I will do and say if I catch someone in the act of vandalizing my car. "What I will do and say" usually consists of me yelling, swearing, and bobbing my head a lot in an intimidating manner.

- I have a completely rational and practical fear of spiders. Like this little gem here, which crawled out from behind my trash can at work on Monday. I saw it, I screamed, wheeled my chair back as far as I could, then I started to cry. I really cried until I heard laughing behind me and one of the supers came walking out, holding a remote control. Then everyone in the office came out laughing. Apparently they'd all been in on it, and had been waiting nearly a week for the perfect opportunity to scare me. I told them they were lucky that the spider hadn't crawled across my foot, because I'd have had to go home to change my pants. Because I would've pooped myself. Lit'rally.

- I dip my fries in mayonnaise. I hate fry sauce, don't like ketchup on anything but eggs, but I love me some mayo. One time I slurped it through a straw.

- When I use a public restroom, I have to get the handicapped stall. Even if every other stall is open and there's someone in that big stall, I'll wait until they're done and then I go in and throw myself a little party just because I can.

- I have to be at the movies at least twenty minutes before it starts, and I have to see the previews. I'll forgo Junior Mints if there's a chance I'll miss the previews. And a bad seat ruins my whole night - I'd rather just get my money back then sit in a bad seat.

- I like kids, but I don't like that they ooze. It seriously grosses me out and makes me dry heave. Sometimes I throw up in my mouth a little, and I feel like a bad person because "apparently" everyone else loves kids and their oozing.

- My comforter has two vertical lines of stitching that run down the length of it. Before I go to sleep, the stitching has to be perfectly lined up with the sides of my bed.

- When I drive on the freeway, my goal is to get all of my dashboard gauges to line up identically, as pictured here. Ok so I know they're not lined up perfectly identically, but you try getting your car up to 80 MPH and keeping the RPM's below 4. When I'm on the freeway, it becomes a compulsion. One time, I deliberately pulled off the freeway, filled my gas tank exactly halfway, and got back on so I could keep trying.

- When I'm ready to get out of the shower, I turn the water as hot as it will go and point the showerhead down so that I'm not actually in the water, but the shower and bathroom fills up with steam. And I mean fills up. That way, when I step out, its not cold. The pictures of hot men taped to the back of my bathroom door are all wilted and weathered, but its a price I'm willing to pay.

- My DVD's have to be in alphabetical order, more for my own sanity than anything else. If they weren't in that order, it'd be impossible for me to keep track of them. One time I tried to organize them by genre, but then someone told me that Predator belonged in the Sci-Fi section, and I swore up and down that I do not own a Sci-Fi film, let alone an entire section, because I wouldn't be caught dead watching, let alone owning a Sci-Fi flick, and no way was Predator Sci-Fi because there wasn't any time travel in it, which is clearly the only definition for anything science fiction, and then someone pointed out that my Back to the Future trilogy also belonged under Sci-Fi, and I was all, "No way! Back to the Future is not science fiction! There's no time tra - - - oh." So I bargained with them and said that Sci-Fi could keep The Fly as long as I could keep Predator. Then I shuffled away, dejected and with head hanging because I guess maybe I do like Sci Fi.

As per usual, if you can think of anything I left out, please feel free to remind me.


Gloriana said...

as per usual- i laughed out loud at your post. That spider thing was just cruel! I wish i had been there!. Also I do the car thing too- I am so freaked out about someone stealing it now! I am glad you are quirky- and also I am feeling a little embarassed that i wrote about 10 times more than anyone else did in my quirks post. Sad....

li'l mil said...

um, i think you forgot to mention how when you eat tuna, you put the empty can on the floor and lick it clean like you're a cat.

if that's not quirky, i don't know what is. :)

barb said...

wow. you're really weird.

i love you!

Andi Mae said...

Besdies saying odd things like "woudder" for water, I think you are perfectly normal! And I like you that way!

Beth said...

Ok, since I am most familiar with the kid quirk as opposed to the other quirks.. let me just say... I don't like oozing kids either. It grosses me out. I won't name names.. but somebody I know takes pictures when her kids are oozing and writes a lot about it.. and it totally totally gags me. So there ya go. A mom that thinks oozing kids are yucky too. Mine do ooz now and again. I admit that. But ya won't find my camera out when it happens. :)

Jackie said...

This was an excellent post. In part because I'll never walk out to my car the same again--I think the bobbing your head part has changed my life. Seriously.

You're so freaking hilarious. Keep up the good work!

Emilee said...

I am disappointed that you haven't posted for a week now!