In celebration of The Guvnuh's 25th birthday today, and in light of the fact that I've had nothing interesting to post about for the past week, I give you, finally, and with much flair, The 2007 Oscar Cake...
After nearly an hour of outlining the shape with toothpicks, I finally settle on the classic "Man With Amputeed Arms".
...and a little help from Yanaj...
However, still no kiss. The physical contact is slowly increasing. And by physical contact, I mean us being smushed against eachother on the couch and hugging. But no kiss! Maybe Huge Bald Guy moves slowly, which is fine, but mama needs a ten second frencher! Stat!
My friends have provided no shortage of advice for how to go about getting this ten second frencher. One of my favorite examples comes in an email from my amazing friend and stylist, Lez:
You need to create a “go ahead and ravish me” moment. Get to work little lady, “if you create it he will kiss”. So there you have it, that is my strategy and I am sticking to it. As for creating the “go ahead and ravish me moment”-
1. You definitely need to be alone;
2. You should probably get a great blow-dry from your uneducated stylist (a good blow-out always helps a little, no one can say no to a gorgeous head of hair, SEX…Y);
3. You should initiate some deep conversation and make yourself a little vulnerable (tell a story about your childhood or something sappy);
4. Give him puppy-dog eyes, and for the final touch,
5. Pout your lips …and WALA he will be “budda”.
It is as simple as that, so give me a call if you want a fabulous blow-dry. And now I leave you with some last words: just remember that if there isn’t a struggle, it wasn’t worth it.
The best part about Lez's step-by-step advice is when I was relaying the information to Erin later that day and told her, "Lez says the key to getting kissed is a great blow job.... I mean....blow out. Blow dry!! Blow something. Shut up."
Yet with all this advice and input, still nothing. Any and all suggestions are welcomed. I'm also taking bets on how long it will take...
In parting, enjoy a picture of The Famous Elvis Cake, circa January 2007.